Generally people would say that I am a positive upbeat person who likes to be liked and likes being around people. There are moments that you don't want to cross me or you'll see the she-devil rise within me (i.e. don't interrupt me during "my shows" or talk poorly of Britney. #facts) For some reason along the way I have picked up random things that make my skin crawl and make me want to punch unicorns and teddy bears and other happy things. Below is a compilation of the top things that I arbitrarily hate.
1. Home Depot
This place is where happiness goes to die for me. I have never disliked any place more than this and for literally no reason. Maybe its because...wait for it....I. Hate. Do-it. Yourself. Projects. I have no urge to learn how to fix or build things. I gain absolutely no pleasure out of making things and then using them. I feel like doing this is depriving children in sweat shops the joy of making $.34 a day. Is that really how we are going to help foreign economies? (I'm a giver at heart). Basically what I am saying is...Home Depot is responsible for the economic downfall of America and most other countries.
2. Libraries
I love reading with every bone in my body. I love free things (because I'm half jew). And I really like things that are organized. One would think that a library is somewhere I would love to spend my time enjoying all of the categorized free things at my finger tips. I hate them. All of them. I have not met a library I enjoyed going into. They freak me out with their silence and their inability to allow me to socialize. The pressure to be intelligent. What if I want to read Chelsea Handlers new book? I see the librarians scoffing at my choice. Ohhhh the judgement. I went to the main library on UMD's campus a handful of times in college and felt the life being sucked out of me. I snuck alcohol in there twice to make it less painful...it barely worked. (Yes I had to resort to alcohol to handle being in library. And no, I won't go to Home Depot drunk. Power tools and alcohol seems unintelligent.)
(This makes me want to vomit profusely)
3. Televised Sporting Events
I enjoy going to sporting events and oogling at the attractive athletes. Usually there is some sort of food or drink that is present at these events and I am a happy camper. While in college I went to one football game all the way through, other than that I went to tailgates like it was my job. (I still can't name anyone from the football teams....though I did have stellar nicknames for them. Hot Black Man 1, Hot Black Man 2, Future Husband, Future Mister (male version of mistress), etc) Watching a game on a television screen rages me. The games can be slow moving, I'm watching a bunch of people I don't care about hitting, throwing, passing a ball into some sort of "goal." The commercials are usually terrible (I'm looking at you Super Bowl...you've let me down. Shame on you) and someone is usually pissed or yelling at the T.V. I have never watched the Tony's (Awards show for theatre...uncultured people) and yelled or screamed over a performance...cried, yes, but never yelled. (Obviously this would be my version of the Super Bowl)
4. Tom Hanks
I watch movies with him in them and I begin to get Hulk like rage. He is a perfectly nice person who was in one of the first major movies about being gay (Philadelphia) and has never personally hurt me or my family. Yet, Mr. Hanks annoys me the minute he begins talking on screen and all I can think about is how another actor might have made these words come alive...instead the words come out of his mouth and murder any happiness in the room. When I found out he was going to be in The Divinci Code, I stopped reading the book and made it my personal vendetta to make it the biggest flop in cinematic history. Unfortunately, the furthest I got was throwing out my copy of the book and refusing to go to the movie with any of my friends. (HA....I'll show you Tom! I will be anti-social and refuse to hang out with my friends just to spite you! ZINGER)
5. The South
Ok, so a lot of you might think that this is totally justified since it's the Bible Belt and they produce things like homophobia, racism, and Paula Deen, but I think of this as an arbitrary hate because I personally haven't had terrible experiences. (I mean my wallet did get PICK-POCKETED while I was in Richmond for Memorial Day...but that's neither here nor there...). I think it stems from my fathers view of the South, which has generally been negative... But my chest clenches up when I drive further south than MD and I feel like I've entered enemy territory. I am waiting for the Westboro Baptist Church to start picketing my car as I drive. I am not terribly sure about the geography down there either...I vaguely know where Texas is and Florida...but I was completely amazed recently when I looked at a map and saw where Tennessee is actually.
6. Hipsters
Now, I don't arbitrarily hate hipsters because of the reason a lot of people dislike hipsters, I dislike them because I am not one of them. I share similar taste in music with them and I can sympathize with their plight and dislike of "the man" and other main stream shit...but my look doesn't match. I want so badly to dress like Johnny Depp and walk around with several piercings and just feel like I belong with that crowd. I have tried a couple times to be more "emo" and I take it too far. The debacle of 2008 ended with an odd argument with my mother about how she "just needed to let me be unhappy because that's the real me." (We laugh about the ridiculousness of that sentence all the time....I am nothing if not overly dramatic)
4. Tom Hanks
I watch movies with him in them and I begin to get Hulk like rage. He is a perfectly nice person who was in one of the first major movies about being gay (Philadelphia) and has never personally hurt me or my family. Yet, Mr. Hanks annoys me the minute he begins talking on screen and all I can think about is how another actor might have made these words come alive...instead the words come out of his mouth and murder any happiness in the room. When I found out he was going to be in The Divinci Code, I stopped reading the book and made it my personal vendetta to make it the biggest flop in cinematic history. Unfortunately, the furthest I got was throwing out my copy of the book and refusing to go to the movie with any of my friends. (HA....I'll show you Tom! I will be anti-social and refuse to hang out with my friends just to spite you! ZINGER)
(ENRAGED, this makes me so upset. ugh.)
5. The South
Ok, so a lot of you might think that this is totally justified since it's the Bible Belt and they produce things like homophobia, racism, and Paula Deen, but I think of this as an arbitrary hate because I personally haven't had terrible experiences. (I mean my wallet did get PICK-POCKETED while I was in Richmond for Memorial Day...but that's neither here nor there...). I think it stems from my fathers view of the South, which has generally been negative... But my chest clenches up when I drive further south than MD and I feel like I've entered enemy territory. I am waiting for the Westboro Baptist Church to start picketing my car as I drive. I am not terribly sure about the geography down there either...I vaguely know where Texas is and Florida...but I was completely amazed recently when I looked at a map and saw where Tennessee is actually.
(Found this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-3o-best-anti-westboro-baptist-church-protest-s, makes me lolz)
6. Hipsters
Now, I don't arbitrarily hate hipsters because of the reason a lot of people dislike hipsters, I dislike them because I am not one of them. I share similar taste in music with them and I can sympathize with their plight and dislike of "the man" and other main stream shit...but my look doesn't match. I want so badly to dress like Johnny Depp and walk around with several piercings and just feel like I belong with that crowd. I have tried a couple times to be more "emo" and I take it too far. The debacle of 2008 ended with an odd argument with my mother about how she "just needed to let me be unhappy because that's the real me." (We laugh about the ridiculousness of that sentence all the time....I am nothing if not overly dramatic)
(I just want to wear a circle scarf and not look like I tattooed a glittery rainbow on my face)
All of these things have the potential of becoming things I enjoy and like over time I assume...(Except you Tom Hanks...never!). I used to hate vegetables because I was told they were good for me and I used to hate being spontaneous because its hard to schedule being spontaneous and it would stress me out. Now I no longer dislike these things. There is hope. Not for my dating life...but maybe for Hipsters.
DC Pride is this weekend....Expect a full update on Monday or Tuesday. For Realz. I shall be playing around the city with my Twin getting toasty on mimosas.
Fabulously Lost: Not handy...or into Cast Aways.
Arbitrary Hates: Plentiful
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