GCILF: Gay Celebrities I'd Like to F...

Recently we have had an outpouring of celebrities coming out in a very casual manner (Yes all two of them in the last 2 weeks means an outpouring). As I began thinking about the different celebrities that have come out in the last few years, I realized there were a lot of them that I would gladly welcome into my boudoir if they happened to be interested in a sassy twenty-something in Baltimore. (I'm still holding out hope...). So then I started thinking if this group of attractive out celebrities wound up in a line at my door, who would I choose to go first? (they would obviously all make their way in...in due time, my friends, in due time.)

8. Cheyenne Jackson- Some of you may not know who he is, and I am a-okay with that. (Just means he can get back in line quicker for a ride on the...ok I'm going to stop).  He has been a constant on the Broadway scene for most of the '00s and has recently delved into comedic acting with stints on Glee and 30 Rock. The only thing stopping me from nabbing this tall, dark, and handsome singer is his husband, who he has been with for the last 11 years. (Not that that seems like a legit deterrent or anything...). Alas, he is still on my list of bang-able Out Celebrities.

7. Lance Bass - Now, I feel like I am getting a lot of judgement from you and I need you to bear with me as I explain this choice. Lance has had an interesting ride over the last 15 years and I have been with him every step of the way. Back when *Nsync was big I was always a Justin fan first, but Lance wasn't far behind. Maybe it was because, even then as a pre-pubescent teen, my gaydar could pick up that he was a flaming fairy through my portable cd player (side-note: do they make those anymore? my light blue one that I might've put flower stickers on doesn't really work anymore...). Lance was the first boy-bander to come out in a very public manner, thanks to People Magazine, and I am sure he isn't the only one (I'm looking at you JC Chasez and Nick Carter). I feel like that was brave and he seems to be friends with Kathy Griffin, the biggest fruit fly out there. He also seems like a disaster....so I am immediately attracted. Yes, I believe I have stated my "I will pity sleep with Lance Bass" case very well. 

(Yes...I would still sleep with him even though he tried to go to space. I'd make him wear the suit too...)

6. Ricky Martin - Considering my previous inclination towards "ethnic" men, are you really surprised he is on there? I have had a thing for Ricky since he first came onto the scene and as his sexually "ambiguous" life was plastered across the tabloids, which I always followed in close detail. (Maybe it had something to do with his penchant for being photographed in a speedo...but that's neither here nor there). My yearning to be with this Latin beauty was probably solidified when he performed Nobody Wants to Be Lonely with another hot mess fav of mine, Xtina Aguilera.

 

It's like he was singing to my soul when he sang this. How does one top a moment like this? Ohhh I don't know, maybe by then becoming a doting father of twins? Maybe its been my recent southern upbringing or has something to do with my odd wish to be bare foot and pregnant like any other good southern belle, but this became a huge turn on for me. (I am well aware that I cannot become preggers. But I will die trying). Ricky most certainly deserves multiple places on my "GCILF" list. (I feel like I need a moment with this song and the picture below...dayummmm).

5. Channing Tatum - Ok, I know what you are going to say "Oh.Em.Gizzle, Channing is married and is so straight. He, like, does girls while he is dancing and shit." And I totally see why one might think that he is one hunk of straight man meat, but he has said himself he is bisexual. That means he is one half mine. Allllll mine. I will gladly take my half and make my half dance on a pole like there is no tomorrow. That being said, he is easily one of the worst actors we have out there, he is stiff, he is emotionless, and all of his scenes become wildly more interesting once his shirt is off. Even with all of that, Channing needs to continue making movies where he dances because...well...because his body speaks to me. Literally. It says "Please lets have sexual intercourse." It's the weirdest thing for me too don't worry. I feel like when someone has a "God-like" experience like that, I need to follow it and make sure it comes true. Oh, Channing, we will be together one day...I am sure of it. 

(Yeah...the basketball and the cowboy hat make this rulllll straight. All we need is the other shirtless village people and everyone will think he is suppa straight)

4.  James Franco- "Two people in a row with their sexuality in question?? MY GOD what is he thinking??!?!" That's what I assume you are thinking and I will gently scoff at you and turn away. I feel like this one should come as less a surprise then Mr. "I look better with my clothes off". I mean Franco has spent the better part of the last 6 years playing gay characters on the screen very convincingly. I mean cahmmm ahhhn he took a part on a soap opera, AFTER he was already famous! It confused me and then I thought to myself, "Hey Self, this probs means Franco is even more homosexual then we originally thought." Then I was content with myself and my thoughts. But, in all seriousness, behind that stoner facade (Which we know I am attracted too...),  there is a genuine guy who is constantly on the move and in love with New York (Which I am in love with too...). He is also set to be "Oz" in the new prequel to the Wizard of Oz (Which is one of my favorite movies of all time...) movie where we get to find out how "Oz" becomes ruler. As you can see, his magical, stoner, sexually ambiguous New Yorker attitude has me wanting to show up to his door in nothing but a trenchcoat holding a bottle of Andre.  

3. Neil Patrick Harris - Probably the most famous homosexual celeb out there right now, he most certainly deserves a spot on my list. NPH has had a career and life that I have envied more than any other celebrity out there. He was a child television star who disappeared after the show ended, he did some bit parts on random shows over the latter part of the 90s and then ended up starring in several shows on Broadway in the early '00s. He smoothly transitioned back into being in a television star on (one of my favorites..) How I Met Your Mother. Not to mention, he has an amazingly attractive fiance, whom he has been in a healthy relationship with since 2004. Oh...and did I mention he is a dad to two of the cutest twins in Hollywood? I don't know if I want to sleep with NPH or steal his life in a weird Lifetime Movie manner...jury is still out on that one. I do know, I would probably gladly accept any invitation he and his hubby have for me, whether its into their bedroom or just over for one of the fancy cocktail parties I assume they have on a regular basis with all of their posh Hollywood friends. (I don't spend a lot of time wishing I was them at all...I promise...)

2. Anderson Cooper - You didn't think I'd make a list without including the "Silver Fox" did you? He came out in a subtle way to a reporter friend of his through a well crafted letter. Now his "coming out" was not a big surprise to...well, to anyone, but it was still a big deal. He has always been on my radar of intriguing men I'd like to be with. Maybe it's his Vanderbilt lineage, or his dangerous "behind enemy lines" lifestyle, or maybe it's just because he seems ridiculously charming but I am always captivated when I watch him. Unlike Lance Bass, the Silver Fox is actually bff's with Kathy Griffin and they hang out all the time. I can't tell if I want to be best friends with the two of them or be in a weird menage a trois with them...either one would be hysterical. Either way, I need more of the Silver Fox in my life. 

(It's like he is looking into my soul...ugh I melt)

1. Frank Ocean - I know that he is fairly new on the "Out Celebrities" list and a lot of you don't know who he is...but I sure as hell do. If you asked me who this guy was a month ago I probably would've guessed he was either a 1950s movie star (his name is so classic! Don't side-eye me) or, if I racked my brain enough, I would've told you he sings..or something. But then he came out, dropped his debut solo cd, and stole my heart all in one fell swoop. You may notice, he is the only black man on my abbreviated list of GCILF's and that has something to do with the lack of out black male celebrities out there. But, that is not what I'd like to address here, instead I want to focus on all things Frank Ocean. In the last couple of weeks he has eloquently come out, in a letter I can only wish I had written, released his first single off of his CD, which is written about his first love (a man! how wonderful!), and received ongoing support from literally everyone and anyone (including Beyonce...ugh to receive her approval...a gay boy can wish). I also began following him on Twitter, which he seems to use freely as the thoughts that pop into his head, which means hours of endless pleasure for me as he recounts his most pointless of thoughts as well as his deepest feelings. Yes, I would say Mr. Ocean is the number 1 gay celebrity I would like to...to...make sweet babies with! 

There are plenty more where they came from. I have an endless list of "out" and "almost out" and "I wish you'd flippin' come out because it would make me happy" people I'd like to put mood music on with and see where the night takes us. These men are the ones who have played prominent roles in my life and the men's lives I'd like to play a prominent role in (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, nodddd). 

On a completely different note, I am currently on vacation in Ogunquit, ME (which likes to refer to itself as the Provincetown of Maine. Which if you don't know what that means....I feel sorry for you), and the fam has decided to join me on a venture to the gay club in town. Yes, thats right, we are going to the gay club in town...probably tonight. Why, oh why, would I want the whole fam trekking down there, one might ask. Well, simple, there is a drag show at 8pm tonight and there is no other way I'd like to bond with my fam then over a few saucy drag queens while downing some scrumptious gin and diet tonics. I will most certainly be reporting back to you how this adventure goes. 

Fabulously Lost: Ready to go all stalker and shit on some celebs

GCILF: Needz them to prepare for our whoopy makin'

Family: Too supportive 

Single Status: Still in check