Repeat Offender

I was gone, December was hard, I worked too much, I was lazy, I liked sleeping more than normal. These are all legit facts why December sucked as a month for posts for me, but I'm back baby! I have decided 2013 is going to be a year of awesome. (Don't we all say that every year? Is it ever going to get old? Am I ever going to use my gym membership as much as I do this month? SO MANY QUESTIONS) Plus, Taylor Swift's lucky number is 13 (along with millions of other people), so this obviously means I will have a lucky year, because T-Swizzle and I are obvs bff's. Whatever, lets get on with the story...it's a doozy.

Real Talk: I have already gone on a date and we aren't even a full 72hrs into 2013. (SEEEEE I told you it would be a year of awesome. And. You. Doubted. Me. *gay claps*) But this date wasn't a normal date with me, it was with Repeat Offender. ("Whaaaaat? What kind of nickname is that? Who are you Fab? You're a monster." - what I imagine you thinking. Most of my imagination of what you think of me ends with you calling me a monster. #highselfesteem) You see, Repeat Offender and I had already gone on a date before. In fact, he was the first person I EVER went on a date with 2 years ago when I began my life of online dating.

(Hey gurrrlll whaaaat?)

That's right, I went out on a date with someone I had previously dated from this site. Back when I first started I was a bright-eyed 22-year-old who saw a world of opportunity and wasn't exactly sure where my life was heading. I liked the idea that I would live the life of a nomad and told most people I was going to be moving soon to somewhere not in MD. (*cough, cough* Ahem, we all know how that turned out.) So Repeat Offender and I never really stood a chance with my Lone Ranger thought process. He was also in a different place in his life having recently come out and dealing with all of those ramifications. The world was working against us and won. DAMN YOU WORLD! 

Anywayz, I noticed in my lonely desperation, that always surrounds the holidaze of single people, that Repeat Offender had visited my profile the week before Christmas and it gave me the idea to message him to see what was new. We ended up sending these long messages back and forth and picking up where we had left off. I was confused and oddly excited about this whole thing. I kept thinking to myself, "You know him already, this isn't a blind date. You were kinda into him back then. This could really work out." Because we all know I am a sucker for throwing myself into a relationship full throttle before they actually commence...because I am normal. So we decided to set up a date for New Year's Day and see where things would take us. 

(Real talk: I wanted a picture of fireworks, but then I stumbled across this gem. How could I NOT use the American flag to describe my excitement for my big ol' gay date? Right?)

New Year's Day rolled around and I thought I had been viciously attacked by the Sandman. I had never been so tired in my life. (I probably have, but I have a flair for the dramatics. Surprissseeee) Every year I go to a New Year's Eve party in Baltimore with all of my college friends. We party, we drink, we try and remember the ball drop, and then we spend the next day recovering. Except, this year I decided that I needed to be active on New Year's Day and go on an effin' date. I was casually raged with myself. At the same time, I was really hoping this date with Repeat Offender would be worth all the movement my body was so viciously against.

When I arrived at Cheesecake Factory (because all dates in MD need to start at a chain restaurant of some sort), I was greeted by Repeat Offender who had already been there for 20min. (I might've shown up a little late. SORRY, World War III was going on in my body. Not. My. Fault. *gay clap*) We stood outside in the freezing cold while we waited for our table and this is basically where things began going downhill. How? How could they be going downhill so fast? Ohhhhh let me tell you all the ways my dears. (ruh-roh)

Repeat Offender and I began our conversation just fine, talking about the holidaze and having spent it with family. I then asked him about what he had done for New Year's Eve. Who knew that would be the wrong question to ask?

Me: Did you do anything fun last night? Party? Family? Friends?

Repeat Offender: I was talking on Facebook chat with some friends. I didn't realize it was the new year until a few minutes after midnight. 

Me: Oh, bummer. Well at least you were talking to friends! 

Repeat Offender: I guess, it's really not as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be. 

Me: I guess, but it's nice to feel like you can have a fresh start and get to do something new with yourself. 

Repeat Offender: Nothing changes though. You aren't any different than the day before. Everything is the same. 

(But, like...for realz)

I was at an utter loss of what to do in the situation. This wasn't the same person I had been messaging or the person I had met in 2010. How did this happen? Was I just tired and reading into things too much? So many thoughts were rushing through my head at that moment. I decided the best thing I could do was to forge on and get coffee as my drink once we got in to the restaurant. I was determined to make Repeat Offender a successful date. Unfortunately for me, I feel like Repeat Offender had every intention of having a downer time...in every aspect of his life. 

As soon as we sat down I ordered my coffee and he ordered a soda. (This seems minor, just go with me. Take this magic carpet ride with me and all will be explained) I was flipping through the menu trying to figure out what I wanted. Due to my inability to make a full decision before I know exactly what everyone else is having, I needed to ask him what he was looking at getting. 

Me: The menu is so huge here, always hard to decide what to get. What are you looking at getting?

Repeat Offender: I think I am just going to have this soda. 

Me: Oh, uh, that's odd. Any reason? We could've just gone for coffee or something if you weren't hungry. 

Repeat Offender: I'm starving, but I only have $5.

(How else to respond?)

Who brings $5 on a date? How do you start off with that? Why would you suggest a date at Cheesecake Factory? So many questions I will NEVER have answered because I am polite and wouldn't ask those things. Instead, I just told him to order real food and that it wasn't a big deal, I'd cover. 

The issue then lies within his choice of food. I began looking at different items and offered up the idea of us sharing a couple of appetizers to keep the meal, ya know, cheap. Somehow that didn't work out the way I wanted it to. 

Me: A bunch of the app's look really good. We could get a couple of those to share.

Repeat Offender: I'm not a huge appetizer person.

Me: Oh, well, what are you looking at then? 

Repeat Offender: Oh, uh, usually I get the Parmesan Encrusted Chicken, but that's expensive.

Me: Yeah, that's definitely a little pricey.

Repeat Offender: Definitely.

*A few minutes pass and the waitress comes over*

Waitress: What can I get for the two of you today?

Me: I'll have the Chicken Caesar Salad.

Repeat Offender: I'll have the Parmesan Encrusted Chicken.

(Really? Reaaally?)

But, like, we had just gone over how he had $5 to his name and how that was an expensive dish. I even held onto the menu for an extra minute to see how much the dish was. Do you wanna know how much it was? Do you? IT WAS $20 FOR CHICKEN. I was more than casually raged at how this night was unfolding and instead attempting to enjoy it, I was trying to figure out how it was going to affect my bank account before my next paycheck. 

Our conversation consisted of me bringing up something that could be seen as positive and Repeat Offender bringing it to a dark place. 

Me: My goal for this year is to travel more. I am planning a trip to Spain! Do you have any resolutions or goals?

Repeat Offender: Last year I tried something like that. I decide 2012 was going to be my year and instead it was just kind of there... so I don't really do those things anymore. 

Me: Well it's definitely more symbolic. 

Repeat Offender: Like I said before, nothing changed between 11:59pm yesterday and 12:01am today. 

Me: I guess. I don't know, I am hoping to also go to more concerts this year. I love seeing bands live. 

Repeat Offender: There aren't many bands I am willing to spend money on to see. It's not really my thing. 

(Shut.Up. *So many gay claps*)

Nothing. NOTHING I said could make this date any better. I picked at my food for an hour while he devoured his meal and he contemplated licking his plate. We parted ways at the front door and I promised myself not to go on a repeat date like this again. (Unless he was, like, totes the cutest of cute boyz! Ugh, I hate me sometimes)

Repeat Offender: Probably finding another sucker to buy him dinner. And complaining about it

Cheesecake Factory: Overpriced. $20 for chicken? Reallly?

Rachel Dratch: A treasure 

Fabulously Lost: Tricked, bamboozled, and aimlessly wandering in 2013. 

P.S. I have another date set up on Friday. He and I have messaged each other a bunch and talked about our joint love of argyle. I think I am in loveeeee *too fast, too soon*