Leap Day, Leap Frog, Leap of love?

Why hello there you saucy minxes! I have missed you all quite dearly and I apologize for my prolonged absence. I wish I could say it was because I fell madly in love and didn't have to write about my dating woes anymore, but mainly its because I was abruptly forced out of my little abode in Baltimore to move....(DUN DUN DUN) home with my parents. (You can gasp, judge, question my sanity, rinse and repeat) It is not a choice I made lightly, nor is it something that will be going on for a very long period of time. Since I had very little time to move (Due to craptastic landlord/housing/leasing issues) the only real option, without paying out the wazoo, would be to move home (rent free!) with the parents for a bit. (My new roomies have a beautiful house, require no rent, and keep a fully stocked fridge....so suck it Judgy-McJudgerson)


Enough of that jibber-jabber! It's LEAP Day! A-Top-O-the-Mornin' to you fellow leap day lovers! You may ask why I love leap day so much...its just an ordinary day, right? WRONG bitchesssss! It's an extra day in the year that only happens every 4years. The year I was born was a "leap year" which means I know people who were born on leap day! This is a vivid conversation I remember having with this girl Anne-Marie in 2000:

Anne-Marie: Hi Fabulous, wanna play Animorphs at lunch for my birthday?
(Yes....I used to pretend with my friends that we were the mystery solving group that used to morph into animals. Anne-Marie was always the dolphin cause she swam...this meant she'd flop around on the ground....we weren't very popular)
Me: SURE! I can't believe you are 12 today! Animorphs will be extra special today.
Anne-Marie: Technically I am actually 3 today
Me: What the WHAT?  hhahaha you can't be 3 silly. Oh Girlz!
Anne-Marie: Well I was born on Feb. 29th, which only exists every 4years, this is the 3rd year I've been alive that this day has come around...so I am technically 3. 
Me: *MIND BLOWN* I...I...this...whaaaaat...I...can't....words...uhhh....you look good for your age?

So  Happy 6th Birthday Anne-Marie (even though we haven't spoken since we were 12...) And a HAPPY LEAP DAY to you and your kin!

(If you don't watch 30 Rock...you should. Leap Dave Williams!!)

So many of you may be wondering how this whole moving in with the parents will change my dating life, and to be completely honest...I am wondering the same thing. It looks like we are going to have to work this out together and find the best possible solution. So I wanted to share with you what I have been doing in order to ensure a successful love life, whilst living with Mama and Poppa Fabulous. 

This past week or so has been dedicated to research. I have researched different dating websites, I have researched relationships results, and I have researched the crap out of my friends and families successful relationships. I decided that I needed to look more at what makes a successful relationship before I run off and try and find love so haphazardly. I also learned that doing all of the above makes me want to punch small children and cute animals in the face (this should come as a surprise, as I am someone who enjoys children and animals.) 

I also decided that I needed to update my profile a bit on OkCupid and maybe stop going on dates with guys from Grindr and the other wonderful "insta-date" sites.  Maybe its because of the winners I have been on dates with recently but I feel like maybe....JUST MAYBE...I might be going on dates with people in all the wrong places. How can you really tell if you are going to be attracted to someone or into them or whatever else from a series of random chats and photos sent back and forth (and not the dirrrrty kind, I mean face photos weirdos). I mean do they really think they know me? Are they going to be attracted to me? Will they have to learn to love me...or will it be natural and love at first site? Do I sometimes jump into a serious monogomous relationship with a person before we have gone on our first date, and I've already planned how we are going to introduce our polar opposite families to each other? Is that extreme? Is that why rejection stings so much? (yes. just yes to all of that.)

I was talking to my older brother the other day on the phone and he always asks about my dating life. Now, as I have mentioned before, he has been with the same person since he was 18 years old, which has taken him out of the dating game for quite sometime. He also happens to be one of the most competitive people I have met in my life before, which comes in handy since...ya know...he's LITERALLY a Jeopardy Champ. (Yes. He is 25. Lives in NYC. Has a successful relationship. Is going to be a lawyer. AND flippin' won a crap ton of money on Jeopardy. AND Yes I have a voodoo doll with his name on it. Seeee what that gets ya big spender! Rude.) Anywhoz, this is kinda how our convo went:

Older Bro: So are you going to make me ask? How are the men in your life?

(Ohhhh did I mention, he's also the most flippin' liberal person I know and likes to look out for the underdog. REALLY? REALLY? Good thing he is a sore loser otherwise I'd ask why I got stuck with the leftover genes.)

Me: HA! Thats cute. I'm kinda on a breather. I went on a bender...went on so many dates. I'm kinda tweaking right now cause I haven't had an awkward date moment in 5 days. I think I deserve a pin or something. 

Older Brother: Wow...so are you just giving up? That doesn't sound like a winner.

Me: Nahhh I'm not giving up...just doing research. I might do match.com, but it kinda costs a lot. 

Older Brother: How much is it? Stick with free

(We are both solid half-Jews who enjoy being as frugal as  possible. Our younger brother is the same way....I gladly accept that stereotype.)

Me: Its like frickin' $30 a month or something. 

AND this is where the competition comes in, the contest I didn't realize was going to happen:

Older Brother: That's a waste of money. Take that $30 and go up to four random people at the bar. Buy them drinks and try to get them to go on dates with you. BOOM. just saved you money. 

Me: Uhhh...it doesn't really work like that. That takes a lot of confidence and...er...also what if they reject you? 4 rejections just cost me $30 and probably an extra session at my therapist. Also....after the first rejection I would probably wallow in a pool of self pity and gin and tonics. 

Older Brother: Are you kidding? If they reject you...onto the next! Talk until you find one. I'll be your wing man...it's gonna happen. Next time you come up I'll find you one. 

Me: HA. HA. HA. I'm a homosexual, Older Brother. I don't think you realize that we work differently. We have groups and subgroups and we have rules.  So many rules. 

Older Brother: Fuck rules. Do you think I couldn't pick up guys at the bars? Don't you remember when we went to the showtunes bar? I got looks. I got a lot of looks. 

Me: That's not what I said....I just meant you couldn't get me a guy. It doesn't work like that

Older Brother: Is that a challenge?

Me: No I don't think I just challenged you. 

Older Brother: Sounds like a challenge. In fact I will UP it. Next time you come up we will both find guys and then in the cab on the way home...I'll hop out and then you can have both of them. You  don't have to sleep over my place. 

Me: That's nice of you...but I didn't challenge you. 

Older Brother: It's on like donkey kong. I'm a great brother. 

So my research began with my brother challenging himself to find me, not 1, but two men to go home with at the end of the night the next time I go to NY. The weird part is that I fear what will happen when I actually go up there...once he has put his mind to something, the man will do anything to complete a challenge. 

After this little nugget of odd confidence, I began answering some of the questions on OkCupid that are supposed to help you find your match. The issue with free sites is that they are poorly put together, and I'm fairly certain the creators tend to throw in joke questions.

Would you like to play Twister naked with a group of people?
(ummmm what? Now I guess I will know if the person I go on a date with enjoys orgy  childrens games?)
Gay Marriage- Should it be legal?
(sooo they obviously do not tailor the questions to the gays)
Would you date someone who was already in a committed relationship?
(Really Okcupid? Reaaaalllly?)
Would you rather climb and sit in a tree or sit on the ground?
(I'm baffled. I don't even know how to answer this or if they answer is truly that important....how will this find me love?)


That was actually the last question I answered when I realized I needed to join a more reputable site. I am in the process of paying for and signing up for match.com. This blog now has a whole overhaul ladies and gents. Match.com guarantees me true love after 6months (Or the next six months free...)


Today, when I get home from work I will be purchasing this package...because....well it's Leap Day, so nothing really counts because its a fake day. Right?

Internet Dating: Getting a Beyonce style  Upgrade

     

Fabulously Lost: Hopefully found in 6months
Older Brother: Constant creator of competition