You may be asking yourself where I have been over the last couple of weeks and why I haven't been as active. I wish I could say it was because I was on safari in Africa or because I was promoted to some amazing position and I had no time for silly things like this. In reality its because I moved home, had an existential crisis, went to San Francisco, and began working a horrific shift at work. Now this may sound depressing, but in actuality it...it...well, yes, it is kinda depressing but I am a fairly upbeat person, so I am looking at the silver lining, I am still single and ready to mingle! (this also sounds depressing...) So I can write about my love life for a little longer!
So I mentioned that I had the pleasure of going to San Francisco for a work trip a couple weeks ago, which also happened to be my first time in this Gay Mecca. To be honest I went into this expecting to see Rainbows on every street corner and for it to sound weird for people to go to "straight bars." I was surprised when I didn't find this upon entry of the city, but I did fall in love twice while on this 4 day trip. (I move quickly on the west coast apparently).
My co-worker and I flew out of Baltimore on the Thursday, which turned out to be one of the worst flights ever. We boarded Southwest, which is known for their friendly flight attendants and....and...welp, that's about all they are known for and that's all we got. We both checked in rather late for the flight, ensuring that we would be forced to awkwardly sit in the middle seat for our 6 hour flight to LA. As I got on the plane I prayed for a lone isle or window seat (I actually looked to the sky and asked little baby Jesus for this), but was unfortunate enough to sit next to two tragically awkward, but nice people.
As you all might have gathered in the past, I tend to have a fairly addictive personality and when I find something or someone I love, I generally cannot get enough of it. Several days prior to the trip I began reading The Hunger Games and decided this would be the best thing for me to focus on during my plane ride. (I was so torn...Team Peeta or Team Gale. I decided, since its a fantasy world, I will take both of them! Such a harlot). These two humans sitting on either side of me decided to overrule this plan and take turns talking my ear off. It was like Taxi Cab Confessionals except I couldn't jump out of the moving plane to stop listening. The gentleman in the isle seat was severely socially awkward and told me so (I felt like this was an awkward first date...that I couldn't escape)
Isle Geek: So...are planes your thing?
Me: Umm, I'm not really sure what you mean by that...but I do like flying.
Isle Geek: Oh cool...me too. I'm heading to San Jose for a computer science conference.
Me: Cool, I am going to San Fran for a work conference. Is this for your job?
Isle Geek: Nope...I am just going to take notes on the public speaking so one day I can talk at these things. I suck at talking to people.
Me: Well you aren't doing so bad talking to me.
Isle Geek: Cool. *silence for what seemed like an hour but was probably 30 seconds* Well I will think of more things to talk about, I think we have about 5hrs left.
.....At this point my mind went into panic mode. Surely this man didn't want to talk for 5hours straight. I usually get sick of my closest friends after 2hrs. (if you are a close friend of mine...I didn't mean that. I have a gun pointed to my head?....you're pretty?...I take it back! ughhh) I kept looking down at The Hunger Games and it was teasing me with its strong black cover (we have discussed my affinity for all things black, mainly men) and its enticingly beautiful pages. This man was encroaching on my date with Peeta. (Rude!) I told him that I was going to try and catch some Zzz's and I immediately closed my eyes. Much to my dismay, I realized my evil plan was foiled because I wouldn't be able to read with my eyes closed. I sat there for a solid 20min listening to him talk over me to Window Woman. I slowly tried to insert my headset into my ears without the two them noticing, while my eyes were closed. Either they are as dense as I hoped they were, or they realized I wanted no part in their banter over their favorite Anime characters, because they left me alone for a good portion of the flight.
The connecting flight from LAX to San Francisco is where I fell in love for the first time. The plane was less crowded and I had an awesome window seat near the front. I was one of the first people on the plane and I almost immediately whipped out my book and began reading. As people boarded I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that a gentleman sat to my right in the isle seat. Luckily, we ended up not having anyone sit between us and could spread out a little more. Within moments this gentleman decided he wanted to talk to me....I was not pleased...until I realized he wanted to talk about The Hunger Games. When I looked up my eyes were met with a very handsome man!
Mystery Man and I completely hit it off and he made the flight go by rather fast. I stuttered several times because I apparently become a teenager when presented with fine specimens on a plane. We started talking about music and what we were into, who we listened to, what our current obsessions were. Then Mystery Man revealed that he was an artist himself coming back form recording in Nashville. (I blushed when he told me this. As if he had just complimented me. But he hadn't...all he did was tell me his job.) I was sitting next to the famous Youtube singer, Jeremy Passion. This dashing gentleman has an awesome sound and he ended up giving me his two CD's. (As a half-jew, he had me locked in when he offered me free things. I am a sucker for a deal. A deal and famous youtube personality, if we weren't on a plane I would of offered to drop trou) Unfortunately for me, in this one instance, the attractive man to my right happened to be straight. We had to part ways...but not before exchanging numbers and following each other on twitter. (It's not true love unless you follow each other on twitter. Facts of modern day love)
The second time I fell in love in this Gay Mecca came the day after I had heart palpitations for Jeremy Passion. I was alone in this great city walking around and exploring. After I had decided I had seen enough, I made my way to the massive Westerfield mall across from my hotel for some retail therapy. I walked in and out of a few of my regular stores and then fell upon Lucky Brand. The men in the store were cute and as I circled, I realized I couldn't afford most of the things in the store. Not wanting to seem like just some joe-shmo from the East Coast, I ended up buying two $25 pairs of underwear. (It's at this point that I received the affirmation that it is extremely expensive to be gay.) I have no idea why I did this or why I felt the need to prove myself to these pretty gay men in the store, but I did and now I have some wonderfully comfortable underwear that cost me two days worth of food. Don't worry it gets worse.
For some reason, as I was walking out of the mall I was drawn to Kenneth Cole. It was like a magnetic pull, even though I knew nothing good would come from this little adventure. (and ohhhh was I right) As soon as I walked in I was greeted by most attractive sales person I had seen in a really long time, we shall call him KC Hottie (because I am 12 and spell hottie with an i-e, and if I were writing it on paper it would have a little heart for the dot). KC Hottie and I began making eye love (which is deeper than eye sex or eye fucking) and he followed me into a couple of the different areas of the store. He had this boyish smile and I was roped into every word he said. He was whispering sweet nothings like:
KC Hottie: Sooo have you been to Kenneth Cole before?
and
KC Hottie: Are you looking for anything particular?
As you can see, it was love at first sight. We were meant to be together and all I had to do was pretend to be interested in buying something, for him to continue paying attention to me. (I have done wayyyy worse to keep a mans attention....shut up...this is a judgement free zone) He started asking me more personal questions like:
KC Hottie: So are you from out of town? *flashes a sheepish grin*
Me: *trying to be coy and cute* HAHAHA How did you know?? Is it that obvious?!?!
KC Hottie: Welll...*points at sweatshirt*...your sweatshirt does say MD
Me: *turning bright red* Oh. Yes yes I am from MD, this is my first time to San Fran. Is it your first time too?
KC Hottie: Haha *Grins again* No, I work here, but I am originally from Southern California. I like it better up here though
Me: I like it better up here now too. Uhhh...I mean...I've been to LA before...and I liked this better?
As you can see, we were destined to have small babies together and live a domestic lifestyle. (Or as Rick Santorum likes to call it, "the deathstyle". Bringing down heterosexual families, one gay family bbq at a time) We were close to the register when I picked up a random pair of jeans and decided I was going to buy them in order to redeem myself for the awkward nature of my initial conversation. I should have looked at the price tag, tried them on, and decided like a normal person if this was the most financially sound decision, considering I had just spent a portion of my retirement fund on underwear 30min earlier.
KC Hottie: Do you want to try those on? They are a great pair
Me: Haha nah, I know my size! I have gone shopping here before...
KC Hottie: Oh, I thought this was...nevermind *flashes huge grin and looks me dead in the eye* I am sure they will look great on you
Me: HAHAHA shoooj me too
(Yes I did actually make a sound that could be spelled "shooj", because when I really like someone I revert to animalistic sounds to communicate with them)
KC Hottie: Would you like too...
Me: Yes I would
KC Hottie: Uh...I didn't finish the question, hahaha. Did you want to donate $10 to Haiti?
Me: Oh...yeah. I saw that when I came in. Of course I do...I love Haiti.
I want you to sit with that for a minute. I just cut him off during his sales pitch and then finished with "I love Haiti," as if this is a normal thing to say to people. (I wonder if he writes a blog about his love life and my nickname is Haiti Lover. ahhh I can only hope *swoon*)
KC Hottie: That's awesome *smiles with a glimmer in his eye* I love when someone seems passionate about things. Your total is $105.78
Me: Well I hope these pants are magical.... *grudgingly hands over credit card and pays*
KC Hottie: What? Oh..er...yeah they are? Have an awesome trip, and come back and visit me!
Why yes, yes I did spend over a $100 on a pair of pants. No, no I don't have that kind of money to spend on jeans. I feel like this is almost how a person feels after they pay for sex. There is a little bit of buyers remorse, but at the same time the product makes you feel like a million dollars. KC Hottie will always be one of my fondest memories of San Fran, and when I go back...we will for sure get gay married.
Fabulously Lost: Broke, homeless, but stylish
San Francisco: Poppin' with hotties left and right
Prostitution: A constant theme in my blog, and possibly similar to buying expensive jeans
Southwest: Always the worst airplane to take to the west coast
So I mentioned that I had the pleasure of going to San Francisco for a work trip a couple weeks ago, which also happened to be my first time in this Gay Mecca. To be honest I went into this expecting to see Rainbows on every street corner and for it to sound weird for people to go to "straight bars." I was surprised when I didn't find this upon entry of the city, but I did fall in love twice while on this 4 day trip. (I move quickly on the west coast apparently).
My co-worker and I flew out of Baltimore on the Thursday, which turned out to be one of the worst flights ever. We boarded Southwest, which is known for their friendly flight attendants and....and...welp, that's about all they are known for and that's all we got. We both checked in rather late for the flight, ensuring that we would be forced to awkwardly sit in the middle seat for our 6 hour flight to LA. As I got on the plane I prayed for a lone isle or window seat (I actually looked to the sky and asked little baby Jesus for this), but was unfortunate enough to sit next to two tragically awkward, but nice people.
As you all might have gathered in the past, I tend to have a fairly addictive personality and when I find something or someone I love, I generally cannot get enough of it. Several days prior to the trip I began reading The Hunger Games and decided this would be the best thing for me to focus on during my plane ride. (I was so torn...Team Peeta or Team Gale. I decided, since its a fantasy world, I will take both of them! Such a harlot). These two humans sitting on either side of me decided to overrule this plan and take turns talking my ear off. It was like Taxi Cab Confessionals except I couldn't jump out of the moving plane to stop listening. The gentleman in the isle seat was severely socially awkward and told me so (I felt like this was an awkward first date...that I couldn't escape)
Isle Geek: So...are planes your thing?
Me: Umm, I'm not really sure what you mean by that...but I do like flying.
Isle Geek: Oh cool...me too. I'm heading to San Jose for a computer science conference.
Me: Cool, I am going to San Fran for a work conference. Is this for your job?
Isle Geek: Nope...I am just going to take notes on the public speaking so one day I can talk at these things. I suck at talking to people.
Me: Well you aren't doing so bad talking to me.
Isle Geek: Cool. *silence for what seemed like an hour but was probably 30 seconds* Well I will think of more things to talk about, I think we have about 5hrs left.
.....At this point my mind went into panic mode. Surely this man didn't want to talk for 5hours straight. I usually get sick of my closest friends after 2hrs. (if you are a close friend of mine...I didn't mean that. I have a gun pointed to my head?....you're pretty?...I take it back! ughhh) I kept looking down at The Hunger Games and it was teasing me with its strong black cover (we have discussed my affinity for all things black, mainly men) and its enticingly beautiful pages. This man was encroaching on my date with Peeta. (Rude!) I told him that I was going to try and catch some Zzz's and I immediately closed my eyes. Much to my dismay, I realized my evil plan was foiled because I wouldn't be able to read with my eyes closed. I sat there for a solid 20min listening to him talk over me to Window Woman. I slowly tried to insert my headset into my ears without the two them noticing, while my eyes were closed. Either they are as dense as I hoped they were, or they realized I wanted no part in their banter over their favorite Anime characters, because they left me alone for a good portion of the flight.
The connecting flight from LAX to San Francisco is where I fell in love for the first time. The plane was less crowded and I had an awesome window seat near the front. I was one of the first people on the plane and I almost immediately whipped out my book and began reading. As people boarded I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that a gentleman sat to my right in the isle seat. Luckily, we ended up not having anyone sit between us and could spread out a little more. Within moments this gentleman decided he wanted to talk to me....I was not pleased...until I realized he wanted to talk about The Hunger Games. When I looked up my eyes were met with a very handsome man!
Mystery Man and I completely hit it off and he made the flight go by rather fast. I stuttered several times because I apparently become a teenager when presented with fine specimens on a plane. We started talking about music and what we were into, who we listened to, what our current obsessions were. Then Mystery Man revealed that he was an artist himself coming back form recording in Nashville. (I blushed when he told me this. As if he had just complimented me. But he hadn't...all he did was tell me his job.) I was sitting next to the famous Youtube singer, Jeremy Passion. This dashing gentleman has an awesome sound and he ended up giving me his two CD's. (As a half-jew, he had me locked in when he offered me free things. I am a sucker for a deal. A deal and famous youtube personality, if we weren't on a plane I would of offered to drop trou) Unfortunately for me, in this one instance, the attractive man to my right happened to be straight. We had to part ways...but not before exchanging numbers and following each other on twitter. (It's not true love unless you follow each other on twitter. Facts of modern day love)
The second time I fell in love in this Gay Mecca came the day after I had heart palpitations for Jeremy Passion. I was alone in this great city walking around and exploring. After I had decided I had seen enough, I made my way to the massive Westerfield mall across from my hotel for some retail therapy. I walked in and out of a few of my regular stores and then fell upon Lucky Brand. The men in the store were cute and as I circled, I realized I couldn't afford most of the things in the store. Not wanting to seem like just some joe-shmo from the East Coast, I ended up buying two $25 pairs of underwear. (It's at this point that I received the affirmation that it is extremely expensive to be gay.) I have no idea why I did this or why I felt the need to prove myself to these pretty gay men in the store, but I did and now I have some wonderfully comfortable underwear that cost me two days worth of food. Don't worry it gets worse.
For some reason, as I was walking out of the mall I was drawn to Kenneth Cole. It was like a magnetic pull, even though I knew nothing good would come from this little adventure. (and ohhhh was I right) As soon as I walked in I was greeted by most attractive sales person I had seen in a really long time, we shall call him KC Hottie (because I am 12 and spell hottie with an i-e, and if I were writing it on paper it would have a little heart for the dot). KC Hottie and I began making eye love (which is deeper than eye sex or eye fucking) and he followed me into a couple of the different areas of the store. He had this boyish smile and I was roped into every word he said. He was whispering sweet nothings like:
KC Hottie: Sooo have you been to Kenneth Cole before?
and
KC Hottie: Are you looking for anything particular?
As you can see, it was love at first sight. We were meant to be together and all I had to do was pretend to be interested in buying something, for him to continue paying attention to me. (I have done wayyyy worse to keep a mans attention....shut up...this is a judgement free zone) He started asking me more personal questions like:
KC Hottie: So are you from out of town? *flashes a sheepish grin*
Me: *trying to be coy and cute* HAHAHA How did you know?? Is it that obvious?!?!
KC Hottie: Welll...*points at sweatshirt*...your sweatshirt does say MD
Me: *turning bright red* Oh. Yes yes I am from MD, this is my first time to San Fran. Is it your first time too?
KC Hottie: Haha *Grins again* No, I work here, but I am originally from Southern California. I like it better up here though
Me: I like it better up here now too. Uhhh...I mean...I've been to LA before...and I liked this better?
As you can see, we were destined to have small babies together and live a domestic lifestyle. (Or as Rick Santorum likes to call it, "the deathstyle". Bringing down heterosexual families, one gay family bbq at a time) We were close to the register when I picked up a random pair of jeans and decided I was going to buy them in order to redeem myself for the awkward nature of my initial conversation. I should have looked at the price tag, tried them on, and decided like a normal person if this was the most financially sound decision, considering I had just spent a portion of my retirement fund on underwear 30min earlier.
KC Hottie: Do you want to try those on? They are a great pair
Me: Haha nah, I know my size! I have gone shopping here before...
KC Hottie: Oh, I thought this was...nevermind *flashes huge grin and looks me dead in the eye* I am sure they will look great on you
Me: HAHAHA shoooj me too
(Yes I did actually make a sound that could be spelled "shooj", because when I really like someone I revert to animalistic sounds to communicate with them)
KC Hottie: Would you like too...
Me: Yes I would
KC Hottie: Uh...I didn't finish the question, hahaha. Did you want to donate $10 to Haiti?
Me: Oh...yeah. I saw that when I came in. Of course I do...I love Haiti.
I want you to sit with that for a minute. I just cut him off during his sales pitch and then finished with "I love Haiti," as if this is a normal thing to say to people. (I wonder if he writes a blog about his love life and my nickname is Haiti Lover. ahhh I can only hope *swoon*)
KC Hottie: That's awesome *smiles with a glimmer in his eye* I love when someone seems passionate about things. Your total is $105.78
Me: Well I hope these pants are magical.... *grudgingly hands over credit card and pays*
KC Hottie: What? Oh..er...yeah they are? Have an awesome trip, and come back and visit me!
Why yes, yes I did spend over a $100 on a pair of pants. No, no I don't have that kind of money to spend on jeans. I feel like this is almost how a person feels after they pay for sex. There is a little bit of buyers remorse, but at the same time the product makes you feel like a million dollars. KC Hottie will always be one of my fondest memories of San Fran, and when I go back...we will for sure get gay married.
Fabulously Lost: Broke, homeless, but stylish
San Francisco: Poppin' with hotties left and right
Prostitution: A constant theme in my blog, and possibly similar to buying expensive jeans
Southwest: Always the worst airplane to take to the west coast
Rotfl! "I love Haiti." hahahaha
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