Betty Boop and her staring problem

So I did it again ladies and gentleman. I made rookie mistakes because of my urgent need for attention and validation. I went on a date this past week and decided to forgo everything I have learned this past year. I planned out our New Years Eve kiss (I had never met him and only seen three headshots),  I had gotten myself prepped to tell my whole family of our budding relationship, I had even planned our regular Friday nights in watching movies. I even decided to ignore the warnings of my friends A. and Rachel when I forwarded his last message he had written to me, and they said things along the lines of "wow isn't that a bit intense. he seems sweet and all but, wow" (read also: he seems a bit crazy. dont you think maybe you shouldn't book your honeymoon yet) I listened to none of this and told them I was excited and couldn't wait. Mind you all of this took place over a 24hr period (Rookie Mistake #1)

Our date was this past Tuesday and I didn't know what to expect but I was excited to meet the future father of my children. I knew this because in the last email that he sent me he said he wants kids. (too soon...I think not! I'm 23 and ready to start popping out babies!...ok maybe I'm not. But the idea of kids is nice. For someone older. So maybe I should've seen this as odd. Maybe you need to stop judging me. Kcoolthanks). I told him I would pick him up from his apartment (Rookie Mistake #2). We were going to go to dinner and a movie (Rookie Mistake #3), you never plan to do both those things because in case the date is bad you wanna make sure it has the potential of being short. Dinner and a movie = AT least 3.5hrs. We also were going to go to RA, a sushi place in Baltimore, and the Landmark Theatre, an expensive movie theatre. Do I need to explain why those to are Rookie Mistake's #3 and #4?

I arrived at this gentleman's apartment to pick him up and what I found was something that shocked me and crushed my dreams of having tall children. This man had told me he was 5'6" (short already for me, being 6'1") but turned out to be a solid 5'4". You think that this would be the thing that grabs my attention first...but you would be terribly mistaken. What I noticed first was how he walked like Betty Boop.

Hand out to the side, swishing his hips. I couldn't take my eyes off of this person as he walked himself toward me...hips going back and forth, back and forth, back...and...forth. His hand NEVER losing its place pointing out to the side. Betty Boop walked straight up to me and said "Hi sweetie, its so good to finally see you". Ummm I don't like when my mother calls me sweetie....soooo I dislike it even more when Betty Boop decides to nickname me. 

The other thing I noticed as he walked up to my car was his outfit. Now Betty Boop lives in Baltimore and knows that RA is a fairly nice restaurant, why on God's green earth would you wear a sweatshirt on a date. Maybe he thought he was going to win me over with his 1930's cartoon impersonation or maybe it was the nickname he was going to give me, but wearing a sweatshirt on a first date seems to be a BIG no-no to me.

Betty Boop gets in my car and stares at me. Doesn't say a word...just stares at me. 

So I began the conversation and tried to talk about the holidays and families and such. You know...like a normal person.

Me: So how was your holiday?

Betty Boop: Uhh it was good. just spent it with my family, which is always good!

Me: Aww thats awesome! It sounds like you are close with your family! Are you?

Betty Boop: Nope.

Me: Oh. err umm well at least the weekend was good? Do you have any siblings?

Betty Boop: yes. a brother.

Me: Ohh cool! I have two, an older and a younger! Is yours older or younger than you?

Betty Boop: Twin.

Me: AMAZEBALLZ. Love the twin thing! Tell me more. do you have that twin thing where you can feel each others pain? Are you identical or fraternal? What do each of those mean? Do you have a twin language? (I didn't really ask all of those questions in a row. but I did nervously ask a few. because...he wouldn't talk)

Betty Boop: We aren't close. We are identical. He is different from me. Are you close with your family?

Me: Yeah they are like my best friends. My brothers/fam are the best! 

Betty Boop: Must be nice. 

Mind you...he was not just saying all of this in a monotone voice. He sounded excited with every single answer and when he finished he would just stare at me. Stare at my face with a smile on his face and say absolutely nothing. I don't know what I would have been happier with, him being monotone and boring or this weird excitement thing he seemed to have going and his incessant staring. I think Imma go with option 1. (I'd like to point out that we aren't even at the restaurant yet)

When we finally get to RA, we get inside and sit at the tables by the bar. I already am aware of the length of this date before it even really begins. We look at the menu and he asks me if I would like to get saki. 

Me: No, I'm not a huge fan of saki. I'm gonna get the pomegranate martini.

Betty Boop: Aww why??? you should try the saki! Its so good here.

Me: I've had it here before, not a big fan. I'm gonna stick with the pom martini

Betty Boop: Come on! You should try it for me *smiles, giggles, pokes my arm*

Me: Nope, I'm really okay with my drink order. 

Betty Boop: What is even in a pom martini?

Me: uhhh Pomegranate? It's a martini...that has a pomegranate flavor.

Betty Boop: Ewww. You should get the Saki instead...sooo much better!

Me: I'm gonna go ahead an go with my drink. You can go ahead and order it though

Betty Boop: ok but you are sooooo gonna try it! It's the bestest here. *stares at me until waitress walks over and we order*

First off...No. just No. Secondly,  I am not going to try it. Thirdly, I don't need to try anything for you. And finally, Bestest? Really? Bestest? Who are you, stop this madness! 

While we wait for the food the conversation is painful and I find myself babbling about everything and anything from movies I'd like to see to the sports teams I am a fan of. (For those of you who don't know me...if I am bringing up sports in any shape or form we know we are having a major issue on this date.) I asked him questions here and there but would get one word responses and then staring. Sooooo much staring. It wasn't til he had his second round of saki that he began giving me two and three word responses. 

When we finished up at RA we decided to walk over to the movie theatre. The whole entire walk he kept walking into me in an attempt to grab hold of my hand, which I had placed inside my pockets. Betty Boop attempted a fake fall at one point and grabbed onto my arm trying to get my hand out of my pocket. This little munchkin was now tipsy and aggressive. Not a good combination for someone of his stature, its like an excited little dog that won't give up until you pick it up. Well, good for me, I dislike little dogs and pay them no attention...sorry sparky. 

We get to Landmark and by our tickets for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and head towards the crowded theatre. We find seats close to the entrance (good for a speedy exit and escape if need be) and settle in. We have missed the previews, which Betty Boop lets everyone know that he is disappointed about. Apparently Betty Boop never received the talk about his "inside" and "outside" voices. He also apparently learned how to whisper on a helicopter. (waiiitttt for it....yup, you got it. He didn't know how to whisper). Randomly throughout the movie he would try to aggressively grab my hand...which was awkward and also caused me to hold my own hand. He would also turn and ask me what I thought of the movie or comment on things in his normal talking voice whisper. 

This movie was, more or less, the perfect movie to see on a bad date. There is absolutely NOTHING romantic about it and it is in fact wildly uncomfortable to see on a date. So excited. So happy. I would totally go see it if you were thinking about it....good movie. The movie was hella long though and ended close to midnight....I was ret to go.

We awkwardly made the long walk back to my car and I drove him to his apt. When we got there, I parked to let him out and he wouldn't get out. He just awkwardly stared and smiled at me and said how he had a grand time. Betty Boop then hugged me and looked into my backseat at the same time. Now my car is pretty much spotless except for one bottle of cologne that has been sitting in my backseat since I got the car. I don't know why I keep it there and I'm sure there is some odd underlying issue from my childhood as to why I feel like it belongs there as opposed to anywhere else, but if we tried to figure that out here I wouldn't be getting my money's worth out of my therapist. Anywhoooo, Betty Boop grabs the bottle and giggles and asks me about it.

Me: I just keep it there. You know how people are about their things *grins awkwardly*

Betty Boop: *giggles* But you should put it somewhere else, not in the backseat *opens middle compartment and puts it there*

Me: *annoyed, grabs the cologne out of compartment and puts it in backseat* I'm good, I like it back there but thanks for the suggestion

Betty Boop: *giggles, smiles and grabs cologne again* But it doesn't make sense there. this is where it belongs. Sometimes you should take the suggestions of people...to adapt! I like it here

Me: Ummmmm Nope. I'm good. Don't need to adapt in this situation. Thanks though. You can hand it back to me. I'll talk to you later.

Betty Boop: *giggles and holds on to it until I pry it from his hands* Aww sweetie we will work on that!

Me: Goodnight. 

Betty Boop got out of my car and sashayed away into the night in all his glory. Needless to say...I will not be going on date two and my cologne is still sitting in my backseat...where it shall stay until I feel like I need to move it. 

Internet Dating: 5
Fabulously Lost: 0
Rookie Mistakes: Never again....until I meet my next husband