The first few months of being on OkCupid was like the first time I learned how to ride a bike. I fell down a lot and bruised myself but it seemed like the most fun thing in the world. (I no longer ride my bike, so I don't know if this is a good sign for me) I went on more dates than a hooker on Park Ave. It became an on going joke with a couple of my friends that all I need is the promise of some good texting and a solid dinner and I'm yours. I said "yes" to every single date I was asked out on. "Desperate? Desperate, party of one?" Ahhh yes that is me, an eager beaver...who isn't a fan of beaver.
Dr. Chandler Bing (his normal name is close to this and I imagined dating Chandler because of that) entered my life thru a slew of well written messages about life and music. He wasn't really my normal type (he was white) and he seemed intent on getting my number, which I was hesitant to do since I had fared so well with giving Stalker Dan my phone number a couple weeks prior. I soon caved when he told me he was working towards being a dentist (I'm half Jewish, so a Doctor is a good find, even in the gay world). We began incessantly texting each other and finding more things about each other and loving it. He was looking for the same thing as me! Love! Long Term Relationship! Cuddling! (we alllll like a good cuddle. gay or straight. Yes we talked about cuddling. Yes it came up before we met each other. Yes as I type that out and it seems weird to me too. I will gladly judge myself on that one)
Dr. Bing finally asked me out. He said he wanted to take me out in Baltimore and have a cute date in Little Italy. swoooooon. How could I not be terribly excited. I announced this to everyone who would listen, I contemplated sending out Save the Dates so people would remember that he and I were going to go out the next week. Everyone awkwardly listened to me as I gushed over a man who I'd never met. "His texts are so endearing. I can tell he is going to be a gentle lover" "No wonder he is going to be a dentist, he spells out all of the words in his text messages" "I can tell he must have excellent bedside manners with his patients, he always sends smiley and winky faces."....and on and on and on I went.
The day finally came where I was to meet my future boyfriend and husband, Dr. Bing. We were going to have a lovely wedding on the water. So excited to tell him all of this. I drove up to this little Italian place in the heart of Baltimore and parked my little car. I had been about 20min early, so I sat in my car and jammed out to Britney Spears, as if going on a date with another man wasn't gay enough. It was just about 7:30 when I got my shnazzed up self out of the car and began the trek to the restaurant. We had decided to meet outside and I kept looking extremely hard at peoples faces, wondering if it was him, if he held true to his photos that were on his profile. 25minutes later I was bored and my dream was fading as he finally showed up completely disheveled and slightly larger than his pictures. I'm no tiny duckling, but I also think my photos are true to form. No need to hide that sir.
We got into the restaurant and sat down and began to talk. His voice was slightly grating, but we ALL aren't perfect, right? He ordered 2 glasses of wine. For. Him. Self. (Strike 1) Then ordered a shrimp appetizer, after I had just gotten finished telling him I was allergic to shrimp. (Strike 2) Forgiving all of this I tried to talk about the fact that we had some friends in common from college. BOOM. That was the worst thing I could have said. I was forced to listen to how he used to be a drunk RA who didn't care about his residents, he was only doing it to live on campus for free...and see the hot kids as they came to college. (shiver down my spin. Strike 3). Dr. Bing also founded a drinking fraternity at the dentistry school, which, in his words, made him the coolest and most popular guy at the school.
As if this wasn't enough to win me over, he then started talking about how rich he was going to be. He had already picked out his graduation car that he was giving himself and the type of house he was going to buy. (Strike 4, I'm not the best at baseball but I feel like I shoulda left by now.) The only time I talked about myself, I let him know that I was really into volunteering and interested in nonprofit work. To this day I will never forget his response..."eww. So you do stuff for free? Thats not gonna get you very far in life." (Strike 1,000,000)
I told him I was ready to go and needed to go home. And this is where the zinger comes in...he gets the check and hands the woman a Groupon for the restaurant. When she brings the new check back he hands it to me and says "Hey so since I had the Groupon, you can get the rest of the check right?". . . . WHAT?!?!!? I ordered A glass of wine to your FOUR. My entire SALAD was $13 and your three course meal was $50. HOW is that even remotely okay in your mind DR. Bing?? I thought you were sooo rich. You had money coming out of your ass? You spew coolness...this isn't Bing. This. Isn't. Cool. I said none of that and instead spent $43 on a dinner I only ate about $15 of.
As we walked out of the restaurant he shook my hand and said "I guess I won't be getting lucky tonight?" I stared blankly and awkwardly at him until he walked away. Shock and awe.
Internet Dating: 3
Fabulously Lost: 0
Dr. Chandler Bing (his normal name is close to this and I imagined dating Chandler because of that) entered my life thru a slew of well written messages about life and music. He wasn't really my normal type (he was white) and he seemed intent on getting my number, which I was hesitant to do since I had fared so well with giving Stalker Dan my phone number a couple weeks prior. I soon caved when he told me he was working towards being a dentist (I'm half Jewish, so a Doctor is a good find, even in the gay world). We began incessantly texting each other and finding more things about each other and loving it. He was looking for the same thing as me! Love! Long Term Relationship! Cuddling! (we alllll like a good cuddle. gay or straight. Yes we talked about cuddling. Yes it came up before we met each other. Yes as I type that out and it seems weird to me too. I will gladly judge myself on that one)
Dr. Bing finally asked me out. He said he wanted to take me out in Baltimore and have a cute date in Little Italy. swoooooon. How could I not be terribly excited. I announced this to everyone who would listen, I contemplated sending out Save the Dates so people would remember that he and I were going to go out the next week. Everyone awkwardly listened to me as I gushed over a man who I'd never met. "His texts are so endearing. I can tell he is going to be a gentle lover" "No wonder he is going to be a dentist, he spells out all of the words in his text messages" "I can tell he must have excellent bedside manners with his patients, he always sends smiley and winky faces."....and on and on and on I went.
The day finally came where I was to meet my future boyfriend and husband, Dr. Bing. We were going to have a lovely wedding on the water. So excited to tell him all of this. I drove up to this little Italian place in the heart of Baltimore and parked my little car. I had been about 20min early, so I sat in my car and jammed out to Britney Spears, as if going on a date with another man wasn't gay enough. It was just about 7:30 when I got my shnazzed up self out of the car and began the trek to the restaurant. We had decided to meet outside and I kept looking extremely hard at peoples faces, wondering if it was him, if he held true to his photos that were on his profile. 25minutes later I was bored and my dream was fading as he finally showed up completely disheveled and slightly larger than his pictures. I'm no tiny duckling, but I also think my photos are true to form. No need to hide that sir.
We got into the restaurant and sat down and began to talk. His voice was slightly grating, but we ALL aren't perfect, right? He ordered 2 glasses of wine. For. Him. Self. (Strike 1) Then ordered a shrimp appetizer, after I had just gotten finished telling him I was allergic to shrimp. (Strike 2) Forgiving all of this I tried to talk about the fact that we had some friends in common from college. BOOM. That was the worst thing I could have said. I was forced to listen to how he used to be a drunk RA who didn't care about his residents, he was only doing it to live on campus for free...and see the hot kids as they came to college. (shiver down my spin. Strike 3). Dr. Bing also founded a drinking fraternity at the dentistry school, which, in his words, made him the coolest and most popular guy at the school.
As if this wasn't enough to win me over, he then started talking about how rich he was going to be. He had already picked out his graduation car that he was giving himself and the type of house he was going to buy. (Strike 4, I'm not the best at baseball but I feel like I shoulda left by now.) The only time I talked about myself, I let him know that I was really into volunteering and interested in nonprofit work. To this day I will never forget his response..."eww. So you do stuff for free? Thats not gonna get you very far in life." (Strike 1,000,000)
I told him I was ready to go and needed to go home. And this is where the zinger comes in...he gets the check and hands the woman a Groupon for the restaurant. When she brings the new check back he hands it to me and says "Hey so since I had the Groupon, you can get the rest of the check right?". . . . WHAT?!?!!? I ordered A glass of wine to your FOUR. My entire SALAD was $13 and your three course meal was $50. HOW is that even remotely okay in your mind DR. Bing?? I thought you were sooo rich. You had money coming out of your ass? You spew coolness...this isn't Bing. This. Isn't. Cool. I said none of that and instead spent $43 on a dinner I only ate about $15 of.
As we walked out of the restaurant he shook my hand and said "I guess I won't be getting lucky tonight?" I stared blankly and awkwardly at him until he walked away. Shock and awe.
Internet Dating: 3
Fabulously Lost: 0
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