Alright, so I know that there has been a lot going on in the last 72 hours dealing with gay marriage and I decided I wanted in on the discussion. I feel like it is kinda like the massive elephant in the room if I don't discuss it, since all of my posts thus far have been about me trying to find "The One." But I want to take it a completely different way than you might think that I am going to take this post. Obviously I am for gay marriage and I shed several tears when Obama-rama decided to support gay marriage....
(Okay...so maybe I felt a little bit like Sally Fields...)
I'd rather give you all the reasons why I think you should let me marry whoever I'd like, besides the fact that it's basic human rights. Plus, my decision to marry will not stop the dysfunctional heterosexual marriages occurring on Teen Mom. (Pinky promise I will continue to let this happen if this is the last thing I do...)
Soooo let's get started shall we?
1. I will have the most fabulous wedding known to (wo)man.
Did this not occur to anyone? How wonderful weddings will be if the gay's had a crack at them? You honestly think the Royal Wedding has anything on my wedding? There will be doves and live bands (yes multiple bands) and it will be the biggest thing to hit whatever city I am residing in.
I wholeheartedly plan on getting married during one of the coldest months of the year because I suffer from...from...sweat. I have mentioned this before that I am someone who sweats when I exert the slightest bit of effort. (During Snowpocalypse '10 I walked about half a mile and had to begin stripping because I was sweating. IN. A. BLIZZARD) So the wedding industry, which has its lull in the winter, will have new life breathed into it when I get married. This wedding will be a winter wonderland of epic proportions and I plan on having everyone I know there. I tell people all the time that I am not sure if I want a small intimate wedding or a medium sized one...and thats a bunch of bullshit. If I could televise my wedding I would. I have no shame and I am a little bit vain. (shut it...I am admitting to being a little vain, let me have a moment). I won't be a Groomzilla, but there are things that I have been dreaming about doing for some time.
The only thing I have set in stone is that my two brothers will be my best men and I know what song I want to dance with my mother to. (I know...I'm a horrible person! I can see why people don't want me to get married. Having my FAMILY be the most important part in my wedding....disgusting)
2. I want to be the Angelina Jolie of the Gays.
Now, I have a hard time admitting to this because I am on Team Jen (yes that is still going on in my mind and I will always stand up for Rachel Green), but Angelina is such a frickin' good person in all other areas of her life. I mean the woman isn't the best actress in the world but she has adopted most of Africa...how can you hate on that?
You may be asking what this has to do with gay marriage and in my mind it has everything to do with gay marriage. I am someone who believes it is better to have two parents than one. This in no way puts down single parents, I have so much admiration for them, but wouldn't it be a little easier to have a partner in the situation? So for me, I want to be married before I start exploring the option of children. At this moment in time, depending on the state I live in (I'm side-eying you, southern states) this would mean that I would never be allowed to become the Angelina Jolie of the Gays.
I want to be able to adopt some of the kids from Africa that Angelina can't get to. It's gotta be a burden on her shoulders to have the world wondering when you are going to take on another country or continent of people in need. That's where I come in! I am young and full of life and ready.
(THESE ARE MONSTERS!!! It looks like they are trying to read a newspaper to her. DON'T THEY KNOW PRINT MEDIA IS DEAD!!!! She will surely be behind in school now.)
3. The Bible told you to let me...
Wait...what?? HOW in the WORLD does this make sense?? (I must be on crack! GAY crack!) But in all seriousness...yeah the Bible told you so.
I grew up in a fairly religious household where we went to church most Sundays and attended Sunday School and got confirmed and volunteered with them and made a difference in my community. I never went up in flames stepping in the church for being gay and I was never forced to leave after I came out (which I did publicly at my church in 2006). Now, I have had my spats with religion and I still have some issues that I am working out, as any 20-something does, but I was taught the same thing from the time I was little until now. It's the basis of most religions actually:
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
It doesn't say "love everyone but the gays" and it doesn't say "As I have loved you...but not you gays you're shit outta luck, everyone else I still love ya. HUGS." So how are you showing me any love, like GOD told you to, if you don't allow me to experience the highs, lows, and everything in between of marriage.
4. I'd like to have the option to divorce...
(I might be on gay crack....) Don't you think the Lifetime Movie Network needs some new ideas? I think it would be riveting television to watch the demise of a gay marriage on television on the most dramatic network. If I ever get divorced (which I won't cause I...well just cause, rude.) it is going to be just as epic as my wedding. I want it splashed on the tabloids and for it to make it into every blog and magazine known to man. I want the divorce itself to make me money because of the exclusive headlines. I am obviously going to either be independently wealthy or marry into wealth, so it will be messy with no prenup.
Does this sound ridiculous? I mean...I am a little fabulous, so this makes a little bit of sense, but isn't this what we have been taught. We keep discussing how Kim Kardashian had a 72 day marriage and made millions, Britney Spears was married and divorced inside of 55hrs, and Kelsey Grammar broke up his 15 year marriage over the phone. We talk about if these people can get divorces, then the gays should be allowed to get married? Why can't we all experience this lovely depiction of marriage and divorce?
OR....let's all stop discussing all of the horrible things heterosexual couples have done for marriage and comparing it to how gay's should have the right to marry. I don't give a flying flip what a heterosexual couple does with their money, with their marriage, or with their families... All I want is the right to experience all of that as a married person. I want the option to marry, divorce, remarry, or stay single.
Those are just a few of the reasons why I want to get married...or want the opportunity to. I am a fabulous 20-something gay man with big dreams for my wedding and hopefully one day I will be able to share it with all of you.
Fabulously Lost: Still single...don't worry kids
Obama: Grew a pair in the last year. Woot woot!
Gay Marriage: One rainbow away from bringing this economy back on its toes
Gay Divorce: One broken rainbow away from a Lifetime Movie
Jesus: Best Surprise Cameo in a Gay Blog
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