Confession: I got super intoxicated playing The Honey Boo Boo Drinking Game. I decided to play with Skinny Girl Margaritas and took shots of American Honey (because if you are going to take a shot of anything during this show...it's gotta be from Amurika). It was an extremely aggressive Thursday and I loved everything about it.
I feel like that is an accurate explanation enough for why I haven't posted a recrap. But I'm ready, I'm here, and I'm going to recrap the shit out of this wonderful episode. Are you readyyyyy?
(The judges just didn't know a good thing when they saw it)
In an episode entitled "What is a Door Nut?" we are taken on a journey with the family as they try to give back to their community. (I keep wanting to refer to them as The Thompson Family, but the family has so many different last names. Keepin' it classy in GA) The Honey Boo Boo clan does something that makes my heart sing...they did Christmas in July to help raise money for local charities. I literally peed myself with excitement. How did TLC know that train wreck television and Christmas are the two things that make me happier than anything in the world? I took an extra couple drinks because of the impending amazingness-ness that was about to happen.
The families idea of setting up for Christmas in July was to set out all of their tacky blow up Christmas decorations and have Sugar Bear dress up as a creepy Santa Claus. That was it. No Christmas lights, no Christmas trees, just blow up decorations. The set up of all of this involved a lot of complaining by everyone. Chickadee found a random chair in the middle of their lawn (cause that's a thing) and was playing with her belly button. Pumpkin gets electrocuted while setting things up. (because she is just perfection). My favorite (probably because she is a mini-me) was Honey Boo Boo as she ran around naming all of the blow up decorations and calling them her friends. They are my friends too Honey Boo Boo, my friends too.
(Just makin' friendz)
When the event actually takes place, Sugar Bear is unintelligible as the bumbling Santa sitting in another random leather chair in the middle of the lawn. (not the same one that Chickadee was sitting on. Don't you have a full living room set on your lawn?) He comes across kinda creepy when he had the kids come and sit on his lap, in exchange for a can of food. The best part comes when Mama comes and sits on his lap and they cut to an interview with him and he mumbles through the dip:
Sugar Bear: Mama didn't ask for anything, but I couldn't feel my feet after she sat down.
Sugar Bear is slowly becoming a cast favorite of mine. He doesn't say much, but when he does...GEMZ. I can see why Mama is in love with him.
Shortly following this wonderful moment of family joy with something that pains me, it hurts my soul. Mama calls a family meeting and tells the family she has decided they are going to give Glitzy back. That's right...Glitzy will no longer be a part of this dysfunctional redneck family. Honey Boo Boo sobs as they do a montage of Glitzy (which takes a solid 10 seconds because he/she was only in 3 episodes...including this one). RIP Glitzy, the bestest gay pageant big there ever was.
As much as this moment stung, what followed and who we met due to Glitzy's departure made my heart smile. To cheer Honey Boo Boo up (because if we have forgotten, this family only does things to make Honey Boo Boo happy), they decide to go four wheelin' through the mud. They can't just go four wheelin' with anyone...they have to go with Crazy Tony.
I. Love. Crazy. Tony. He is the epitome of a redneck and he loves every bit of it. We are introduced to Crazy Tony as he ties Pumpkin up by the feet and dangles her as she hoots and hollers in pleasure. (You know, cause getting hung upside down from a tree is just plain fun). They do a quick montage of him as Mama is explaining how he is a close family friend and all that jazz. My favorite comes when he decides to do four wheel show, which consists of him turning the four wheeler on and then standing up, flipping himself around, and eventually flipping the four wheeler on top of himself.
But here's the thing, they don't just go four wheelin'...they go "Mud Bogging" which is basically riding your four wheeler through 3 feet of mud. But like....3...feet...of...mud. I'm lost on several things. I don't understand the name of this. I don't understand how someone decides this is an adult thing to do, and I am not exactly sure why I found myself kinda wanting to join them? (Not really though, I don't do dirt very well..) We watch them as they tumbled through the mud and screamed redneck things. They all kept calling themselves rednecks as well...which, as we know, is part of the drinking game. (I told you...I was soooo drunk). They swam in the mud, the rode through the mud, and they used the mud like it was a swimming pool.
(Just boggin in the mud)
I am disappointed to point out that there was, in fact, only ONE episode last week of my favorite show on Television. Hopefully this week will be different, but one will never know. See you soon Honey Boo Boo, see you soon.
