Liebster Award!

Before I explain what the title of this post means I want to explain where I was last week. You see, I have this issue where I work too much for my own good and I get really tired. After I got back from New York I worked nonstop and by the time I got home, all I wanted to do was veg out and watch some Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Yes, grown adults can watch a T.V. show about a teenage witch. No, I don't feel weird about it. You're the weird one. #rude) Anywho, I was also really sick the whole week, so I whined a lot and spent a lot of time wearing my "Look! I've given up on life" clothing. It wasn't pretty. These are all excuses for my extreme laziness....but...HERE I AM!

(This is what I imagine all of you doing when seeing that I have posted. Also, based off of commercials, this is how I feel it must be to have a tampon.)

Ok, so, you may be asking yourself what the hell is this Liebster Award and why on God's green earth should you care, right? Welp, I asked myself the same thing and I was honored to find out my good friend and fellow blogger Arielle nominated me for this lovely award. (She lives a rad life on a yacht working as a nanny and traveling the globe. She blogs about her travels. I hate/love her. #heyjealousy) It goes to up and coming bloggers and is a way for us to share each others blogs with our audiences. It's a good way of promoting each other, but also a fun and new way to be vain. Blogging is already pretty vain because we assume people are going to enjoy reading our work and we assume we are talented enough to write. I get it, I embrace it, I am vain and I do think this song is about me. (Ughhh I just want you to like me... please don't judge me) Part of receiving this award is writing a post where you answer questions about yourself and post facts about yourself. Below you are going to get to find out so much info about me! GET EXCITED! 

Here are the rules of the post: 

• When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you.
• Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (make sure you tell them you nominated them!) and ask them 11 questions.
• You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you!
• Make sure the blogs you chose have 200 or LESS followers

I'm adding a challenge for myself - Each fact will turn into a future post, promising you 11 posts in the near future. BOOM. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. (I just overwhelmed myself. I need more coffee): 

11 Facts: 

1. The first time I ever left the country was in March 2010 when I went to Oman and Qatar in the Middle East. (Facts: They don't like gay people. Facts: It's hard to contain fabulousness.)

2. The first time I went to NY without my parents was on a field trip in 10th grade. I lied to my teacher and told her I knew my way around the city. We ended up walking from 79th and Columbus to 28th and 7th. (If you are slow with math...I made them walk 51 blocks because I was too proud to admit I was wrong)

3. I spent 6months in high school using my homosexuality as a way to climb the social circuit. (I fancied myself the gay Regina George) To this day, I have never been as cool as I was during those 6 months. 

4. To lose weight in college I would make my "drunk food" before going out. I would save money and then I wouldn't feel as bad about eating, because it was a sandwich or a salad. (The bag of chips I devoured to accompany it never helped)

5. I worked at a gym in college and refused to conform to the dress code because I didn't think black polos did anything for my body type (Read also: round). So I would wear button downs underneath the black polo's to add "pizzaz" and I wore boat shoes instead of sneakers. (Sometimes I hate/love 18yr old me)

6. I am in the process of planing a trip to Spain to visit one of my best friends from college. Our similar interests include: Tequila, Spanish men, Will&Grace, European Men, Tequila, gay clubs, Tequila, and Patron. (This will be happening in April/May. Updates to come)

7. I have always casually wished my life were a 90s sitcom/teen dramady. (Literally, that's just a fact. No need to explain further)

8. When I picked up my coffee this morning the Starbucks barista hit on me because I am wearing a California sweatshirt. During the hitting on process, he told me he has no car, lives with his parents (Shut it...I'm moving out soon), and would like to live a drifter lifestyle. He asked if I wanted to hangout sometime....I said yes and gave him my number. (Facts: I have no standards)

9. My ultimate life dream would be to be on a talk show. If I could be Regis Philban, I would literally die of sheer happiness. 

10. I have a list of celebrity women I would go straight for. (Ehhhh...women I would love to be best friends with is probs a better description)

11. I have three songs that I am convinced I can sing and would get me a record deal if the right people heard me sing them. I cannot sing any other songs. I would be a three hit wonder. (One of the songs is from Rent...so a 2-hit wonder)

Answers to Arielle's questions: 

Where is your favorite place you’ve been to so far?

• I am going to answer this based off of places outside of the country (cause I love 'Murica and I have to many fav places here). I would have to say, at the moment, I had the most fun in Muscat, Oman. I was 21 and was with an amazing group of people. I snorkeled in the Arabian sea...surreal. 

What is one of your pet peeves?

• I have actually written a piece about Things I Arbitrarily Hate, but I have lots of pet peeves. One of my biggest ones, and I blame Papa Fabulous for this one, is chewing with your mouth open. The answer is no, I don't like "See-food" (HAHAH GET IT. No. I hate you food showers)

What are three things you can’t live without?

• Christmas, my Family, and cheese. (I fucking love cheese and I'm proud of it)

Where is your least favorite place you’ve been to so far?

• This is very specific. I disliked the Milwaukee Airport in Wisconsin. Why, you might ask? Because my flight to LA last year went through there and when I arrived at 8pm thinking I was going to get a nice meal during my 3hr delay (due to an irrational amount of snow) I found that EVERYTHING had closed. Like literally, the airport shut down around 7:30pm. I asked if this was due to the snow...and they said they just closed every night at 7:30pm. HOW? How is that a sustainable business model? I shake my fist at you Milwaukee. 

Where have you been that surprised you in terms of what you were expecting?

• Ummm...I would say its more so the people I was surprised by. There are these two fabulous Pakistani girls who I met in Qatar that I have stayed in touch through Facebook. I never told them I was gay when I was there, but since they are my fb friends, they see all the flamboyant things I post. They have liked and commented on a lot of my posts about equal rights. #swoon

What’s your favorite book?

• I love reading. If I had to choose one...I would have to say Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris. My parents got me a signed first edition copy of the book. Also...Kathy Griffin's book made me pee my pants a little. 

What is your favorite animal?

• Hippogriff 

What has been your proudest moment so far?

• Ugh, DEEP question. I would have to say being asked to be my best friends Man of Honor was a pretty big deal. Breaking gender stereotypes and getting to stand next to her on her wedding day was big for me. (So emotional. Ugh)

What is your favorite food?

• See also: Things I cannot live without

What is one thing you regret?

• I ate pop-tarts and cheetos right before getting a stomach virus in middle school. I have never been able to have either one of those things since. I wish I had had something like brussel sprouts or kale. 

If you had three wishes, what would they be?

• I would normally go the route of the beauty pageant and say "World peace" or some shit like that, but I'm gonna go ahead and say what everyone is thinking and not saying. 

1. I want to do dirty things with Ryan Gosling and Usher at the same time. Then I want to live a polygamist lifestyle with them.
2. I want Adele to sing at my unconventional wedding to Usher and Ryan Gosling
3. I want to be best friends with Emma Stone and Taylor Swift. (We can write songs and make each other laugh and discuss Christmas Tree Farms. Plus Emma and I can discuss Ryan Gosling's rockin' bod and she can tell me how he talks about my sweet love making skills on set. #dreamz)

                                                                                             

(Ryan is obviously eagerly waiting me)     

        

 (OMG I sweat too Usher! #twinsies)

                    

Now: 11 Q's from me to my fav bloggers: 

1. What is your spirit animal? (Betty White is my main one, but I have a couple)

2. If you could be rich and famous like the Kardashians, would you be okay with a sex tape being released? (this one has boggled me for years. I'm still not sure)

3. In a fight to the death, who would you bet your money on: Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus? Why?

4. Favorite Housewife from The Real Housewives series?

5.  If you had to go blind or lose the ability to walk, which would you choose? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE.

6. What would be the one food you could eat every day for the rest of your life?

7. Favorite song?

8. Harry Potter or Sabrina the Teenage Witch - which type of magical powers would you like to have?

9. If you could be the most amazing dancer or singer in the world...which would you choose? (I go dancer because I can already sing three songs pretty amazingly)

10. Who is your favorite diva?

11. What is your most embarrassing moment?

11 Blogs I love (or however many I name...cause idk if I can name 11):

http://ericajmoss.com/

http://lizzybess.blogspot.com/

http://joshuavjohn.com/

http://www.jennpedde.com/

Real Talk: I read a lot of mainstream blogs that have way more than 200 readers. HELL, these blogs above might have more than 200 readers. I think I need to start being more hipster about my blog choices....more things to work on. 

So, as you can see, this was a total vanity piece...BUT...I have also promised to elaborate on the 11 facts from above. I will start....TOMORROW. Look out for a post about one of the 11 facts. 

Fabulously Lost: Casually vain, hardcore interested in being Regis Philiban

Arielle: Awesome fellow blogger

Nominated Bloggers: I have only told one so far...others still in the dark

The one with the Halloween costumes

Halloween has always been a time of turmoil for me. I tend to over think and overanalyze everything I do and come up with the most dramatic ways things could possibly play out. For someone on the search for love, I end up running the other direction when it comes a-knockin' on my door. Halloween is usually when I begin to over analyze the holiday season.

The funny thing is that Fall/Winter is my favorite time of the year and, in all honesty, its not because of the amazing feeling of the holidays, the crisp weather, or the inevitable layered looks of Fall that are presented at the clothing stores. I love this time of year because it is when I sweat the least. THERE! I said it. Thats my not so dirty little secret. If you know me, which if you don't you are missing out, I sweat a lot. Not in the "Haha look at me, I sweat so much when I run. Isn't it great to release those toxins from your skin!" type of sweating....more like the "Oh my gawd. HOW the hell am I sweating? I am sitting in an ice box and I'm pretty sure hell has frozen over in this apt yet I am dripping, wtf" type of sweating. So when the weather changes and I no longer have to worry about looking like I took a shower by walking to my car, I'm a happy gal. Halloween always tends to be a day where a million people cram into a tiny space wearing lots of costumes (for the men, women are lucky and get to wear their underwear out) and I end up sweating like I'm in the middle of the Sahara desert.

Anywhoz, back in 2010 I dated (and by dated I mean, I went on two dates over the course of a month and I contemplated telling everyone we were boyfriends because I am a little bit off my rocker)  a gentleman who was a bit older than me to see if the older men would treat a young strapping fellow with the respect and attention he deserved (or at least see if I could get a few free dinners). He wasn't a cougar on the prowl, he was 29 and I was 22, which in my head seemed normal. The only way I would date someone who wasn't in their 20s would be if they looked like an adonis or if they had lots of money. (Hey...everyone has their price. You really think Julia Roberts was in love with Richard Gere in Pretty Woman? I'd be in love with a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin' love like that if he was throwing money at me all willy nilly. Yup, I'd be a hooker for him)

Cahmmmm ahnn...I woulda kissed him on the first go around too....take that Julia Roberts

 Welp Grandpa and I hit it off on our first date when we went for dinner to UNOs. (Not where I thought I'd go on a first date with my future husband, but HEY beggars cant be choosers) He let me talk about me and asked questions about my life and where I was going with life. He asked about my friends and my family and college. I couldn't have been happier. We left our date with a kiss goodbye and a promise of a meeting in a couple weekends. He was busy the weekend after, something about having to watch after something or other. I couldn't really remember because I didn't pry.

Grandpa and I texted on and off and talked on the phone a good amount. The weekend after he disappeared and I didn't hear from him until Monday evening. He said he didn't want to be attached to his phone and he was taking care of things over the weekend but wanted to see me on Friday. We decided to see a movie and we were going to meet at the Columbia Mall. I couldn't be more excited! This was the first time I was knowingly dating someone who was a good deal older than me, and it was socially acceptable! (there was a time when I was 15 that that wasn't the case...but thats not here nor there. Well it might be there later when I tell you about it. Don't worry...plenty of time to judge me later.)


I realized before the date that I knew next to nothing about Grandpa, we had barely touched on his life. It had never been more readily apparent how much I like talking about myself. When you get me going, I will find any reason to over share and give you my life story. Now I'm not saying I'm vain...but I definitely would think this song is about me

I made a blood pact with myself that I would be a better listener and find out more about who Grandpa reallllly was. I made sure we had time to get coffee before our movie that friday and I came prepared (I had practiced my listening, surprised, and concerned faces in the mirror. I also wish I was kidding about that but I am not. I blame America's Next Top Model and Tyra for aiding in my yearning to look in a mirror) Our convo went a little like this: 

Me: So, tell me about you. Who is the real Grandpa? (I apparently felt I was Barbara Walters)

Grandpa: Uhh I'm 29...half black...live in Ellicott City? What do you wanna know?

Me: Thats interesting. Tell me more about your background. Are you close with your parents?

Grandpa: As of now yes...but I don't know how they will feel when I come out to them. They might kick me out.

PUMP THE BREAKS! Jigga whaaat? You haven't told your parents you are gay yet? You are 29 and in the closet? I like to think I came out when I was 16, but we all know I came out of the womb with a pink boa as an umbilical cord and instead of a placenta, glitter was shot out. I made quite the entrance, so when someone is substantially older than me and they haven't come out I am always mind boggled.  Also not to mention...you'd get kicked out? I was  making moves to move out of my parents house at that point, but I had also just graduated college. Ok ok...I need to wipe the shocked look off my face, I hadn't practiced that...I was going rogue on Tyra. Reign it in and ask more questions.

Me: What an interesting character. So you haven't told your parents? Do you live with them?

Grandpa: Nah, I live in a house they own. And I just came out about 6 months ago

Me: Thats so brave of you, coming out can be hard. I hope its been a fairly easy process for you

Grandpa: Well it wasn't easy at first and I wanted to wait until the divorce was finalized. I had been married for 7 years so I wanted give to my ex-wife a little time to get used to everything. 

So remember when I pumped the breaks before? WELP I slammed on those bitches and tried to jump out of the car. Now I am no expert at dating, obviously, but I also think you should mention to someone that you are dating (shut up...I know this was date two and we weren't engaged yet) that you have an ex-wife , of 7 years. Also remember that time that is a major thing and at 22 years old my most major issues were usually where I was going to get trashed and where I was going to sleep (Surprisingly not much changes from 22 to 23, except there is more guilt. Damn you Jewish heritage) not who my future husbands ex-wives were. Lets see where this goes, shall we?

Me: Um...married? Thats dramatic.

Grandpa: More factual than dramatic. Does that scare you away?

Me: Pffft...hrmpf...gahhh. BAHAHA

Grandpa: Err...that was just some noises and some laughter. 

Me: Hehehe wahhh? Prumph!

Grandpa: I think we should change the subject? What are you doing for Halloween?

Me: *relieved* Ohhh I'm going to be a guido! What about you?

Grandpa: Oh I have my kids for halloween, so I'm going to take the three of them Trick or Treating! They are going as characters from some of the Disney movies

Remember when I was dating this guy? Yup, my pretty picture was shattering. How do you casually bring up the fact that you have THREE children moments after you bring up a divorce. Its a telling sign of how a relationship will go when they say disney costumes and they think of their kids and you think of how your pale white friend should be slutty Ariel  instead of slutty Jasmine, because its more believable. 

The date continued to get more awkward because I was now using my faces I had practiced and was extremely convincing, so he continued to tell me more and more about his kids. Including that the oldest one is almost 12 years old. LETS state some facts here here

Grandpa= 29 years old

Me= 22 years old (at the time)

Child of the gay= 12 years old  

For some reason being smack dab in the middle of your child and you in age doesn't make me feel better about dating you. Instead I felt icky....thats like when Bruce Willis married a girl 5years older than his daughter. I cant...I just can't. We awkwardly went to the movie and I think he knew at the end of everything that I would probs be a better babysitter than a boyfriend...

After I had forgotten about this blip of a relationship, last summer I ran into Grandpa at the gay club and decided drunkenly to dance with him. I often have my drunk confidence on and feel like I am Shakira circa 2001

I was GETTIN' IT and Grandpa was feelin' it and I wasn't remembering that he had a kid who was now close to tweendom at home. We started mackin' it like two teenage kids who had just discovered that lips were meant for more than eating and talking(because I am nothing if not a classy lady when I am shaking it like there is no tomorrow on the sweaty dance floor) It was then that a swarm of women, who secretly wish they were gay men, descended upon us like Birds. As they began to make a circle, I thought it was time to dip it even lower since we had an audience now. One of the women screeched, as I almost toppled over...very un-Shakira like,  "Ummm Grandpa what do you think your boyfriend would think of you dancing on this ho"

AWWWW helllz NAW. 

I stood up straight. Looked her in the eyes and told her that this  candy shop was closed. (wish I was kidding...but that seemed like a good line at the time. In retrospect calling myself a candy shop makes me sound like a whore....shut up)  I walked off with my head held high and my pants dipping far to low. 

Internet Dating: 7

Fabulously Lost: 0

Shakira: Great drunk inspiration 

Dignity: Lost and found of most gay clubs at this point