Liebster Award!

Before I explain what the title of this post means I want to explain where I was last week. You see, I have this issue where I work too much for my own good and I get really tired. After I got back from New York I worked nonstop and by the time I got home, all I wanted to do was veg out and watch some Sabrina the Teenage Witch (Yes, grown adults can watch a T.V. show about a teenage witch. No, I don't feel weird about it. You're the weird one. #rude) Anywho, I was also really sick the whole week, so I whined a lot and spent a lot of time wearing my "Look! I've given up on life" clothing. It wasn't pretty. These are all excuses for my extreme laziness....but...HERE I AM!

(This is what I imagine all of you doing when seeing that I have posted. Also, based off of commercials, this is how I feel it must be to have a tampon.)

Ok, so, you may be asking yourself what the hell is this Liebster Award and why on God's green earth should you care, right? Welp, I asked myself the same thing and I was honored to find out my good friend and fellow blogger Arielle nominated me for this lovely award. (She lives a rad life on a yacht working as a nanny and traveling the globe. She blogs about her travels. I hate/love her. #heyjealousy) It goes to up and coming bloggers and is a way for us to share each others blogs with our audiences. It's a good way of promoting each other, but also a fun and new way to be vain. Blogging is already pretty vain because we assume people are going to enjoy reading our work and we assume we are talented enough to write. I get it, I embrace it, I am vain and I do think this song is about me. (Ughhh I just want you to like me... please don't judge me) Part of receiving this award is writing a post where you answer questions about yourself and post facts about yourself. Below you are going to get to find out so much info about me! GET EXCITED! 

Here are the rules of the post: 

• When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you.
• Pass the award onto 11 other blogs (make sure you tell them you nominated them!) and ask them 11 questions.
• You are not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you!
• Make sure the blogs you chose have 200 or LESS followers

I'm adding a challenge for myself - Each fact will turn into a future post, promising you 11 posts in the near future. BOOM. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. (I just overwhelmed myself. I need more coffee): 

11 Facts: 

1. The first time I ever left the country was in March 2010 when I went to Oman and Qatar in the Middle East. (Facts: They don't like gay people. Facts: It's hard to contain fabulousness.)

2. The first time I went to NY without my parents was on a field trip in 10th grade. I lied to my teacher and told her I knew my way around the city. We ended up walking from 79th and Columbus to 28th and 7th. (If you are slow with math...I made them walk 51 blocks because I was too proud to admit I was wrong)

3. I spent 6months in high school using my homosexuality as a way to climb the social circuit. (I fancied myself the gay Regina George) To this day, I have never been as cool as I was during those 6 months. 

4. To lose weight in college I would make my "drunk food" before going out. I would save money and then I wouldn't feel as bad about eating, because it was a sandwich or a salad. (The bag of chips I devoured to accompany it never helped)

5. I worked at a gym in college and refused to conform to the dress code because I didn't think black polos did anything for my body type (Read also: round). So I would wear button downs underneath the black polo's to add "pizzaz" and I wore boat shoes instead of sneakers. (Sometimes I hate/love 18yr old me)

6. I am in the process of planing a trip to Spain to visit one of my best friends from college. Our similar interests include: Tequila, Spanish men, Will&Grace, European Men, Tequila, gay clubs, Tequila, and Patron. (This will be happening in April/May. Updates to come)

7. I have always casually wished my life were a 90s sitcom/teen dramady. (Literally, that's just a fact. No need to explain further)

8. When I picked up my coffee this morning the Starbucks barista hit on me because I am wearing a California sweatshirt. During the hitting on process, he told me he has no car, lives with his parents (Shut it...I'm moving out soon), and would like to live a drifter lifestyle. He asked if I wanted to hangout sometime....I said yes and gave him my number. (Facts: I have no standards)

9. My ultimate life dream would be to be on a talk show. If I could be Regis Philban, I would literally die of sheer happiness. 

10. I have a list of celebrity women I would go straight for. (Ehhhh...women I would love to be best friends with is probs a better description)

11. I have three songs that I am convinced I can sing and would get me a record deal if the right people heard me sing them. I cannot sing any other songs. I would be a three hit wonder. (One of the songs is from Rent...so a 2-hit wonder)

Answers to Arielle's questions: 

Where is your favorite place you’ve been to so far?

• I am going to answer this based off of places outside of the country (cause I love 'Murica and I have to many fav places here). I would have to say, at the moment, I had the most fun in Muscat, Oman. I was 21 and was with an amazing group of people. I snorkeled in the Arabian sea...surreal. 

What is one of your pet peeves?

• I have actually written a piece about Things I Arbitrarily Hate, but I have lots of pet peeves. One of my biggest ones, and I blame Papa Fabulous for this one, is chewing with your mouth open. The answer is no, I don't like "See-food" (HAHAH GET IT. No. I hate you food showers)

What are three things you can’t live without?

• Christmas, my Family, and cheese. (I fucking love cheese and I'm proud of it)

Where is your least favorite place you’ve been to so far?

• This is very specific. I disliked the Milwaukee Airport in Wisconsin. Why, you might ask? Because my flight to LA last year went through there and when I arrived at 8pm thinking I was going to get a nice meal during my 3hr delay (due to an irrational amount of snow) I found that EVERYTHING had closed. Like literally, the airport shut down around 7:30pm. I asked if this was due to the snow...and they said they just closed every night at 7:30pm. HOW? How is that a sustainable business model? I shake my fist at you Milwaukee. 

Where have you been that surprised you in terms of what you were expecting?

• Ummm...I would say its more so the people I was surprised by. There are these two fabulous Pakistani girls who I met in Qatar that I have stayed in touch through Facebook. I never told them I was gay when I was there, but since they are my fb friends, they see all the flamboyant things I post. They have liked and commented on a lot of my posts about equal rights. #swoon

What’s your favorite book?

• I love reading. If I had to choose one...I would have to say Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris. My parents got me a signed first edition copy of the book. Also...Kathy Griffin's book made me pee my pants a little. 

What is your favorite animal?

• Hippogriff 

What has been your proudest moment so far?

• Ugh, DEEP question. I would have to say being asked to be my best friends Man of Honor was a pretty big deal. Breaking gender stereotypes and getting to stand next to her on her wedding day was big for me. (So emotional. Ugh)

What is your favorite food?

• See also: Things I cannot live without

What is one thing you regret?

• I ate pop-tarts and cheetos right before getting a stomach virus in middle school. I have never been able to have either one of those things since. I wish I had had something like brussel sprouts or kale. 

If you had three wishes, what would they be?

• I would normally go the route of the beauty pageant and say "World peace" or some shit like that, but I'm gonna go ahead and say what everyone is thinking and not saying. 

1. I want to do dirty things with Ryan Gosling and Usher at the same time. Then I want to live a polygamist lifestyle with them.
2. I want Adele to sing at my unconventional wedding to Usher and Ryan Gosling
3. I want to be best friends with Emma Stone and Taylor Swift. (We can write songs and make each other laugh and discuss Christmas Tree Farms. Plus Emma and I can discuss Ryan Gosling's rockin' bod and she can tell me how he talks about my sweet love making skills on set. #dreamz)

                                                                                             

(Ryan is obviously eagerly waiting me)     

        

 (OMG I sweat too Usher! #twinsies)

                    

Now: 11 Q's from me to my fav bloggers: 

1. What is your spirit animal? (Betty White is my main one, but I have a couple)

2. If you could be rich and famous like the Kardashians, would you be okay with a sex tape being released? (this one has boggled me for years. I'm still not sure)

3. In a fight to the death, who would you bet your money on: Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus? Why?

4. Favorite Housewife from The Real Housewives series?

5.  If you had to go blind or lose the ability to walk, which would you choose? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE.

6. What would be the one food you could eat every day for the rest of your life?

7. Favorite song?

8. Harry Potter or Sabrina the Teenage Witch - which type of magical powers would you like to have?

9. If you could be the most amazing dancer or singer in the world...which would you choose? (I go dancer because I can already sing three songs pretty amazingly)

10. Who is your favorite diva?

11. What is your most embarrassing moment?

11 Blogs I love (or however many I name...cause idk if I can name 11):

http://ericajmoss.com/

http://lizzybess.blogspot.com/

http://joshuavjohn.com/

http://www.jennpedde.com/

Real Talk: I read a lot of mainstream blogs that have way more than 200 readers. HELL, these blogs above might have more than 200 readers. I think I need to start being more hipster about my blog choices....more things to work on. 

So, as you can see, this was a total vanity piece...BUT...I have also promised to elaborate on the 11 facts from above. I will start....TOMORROW. Look out for a post about one of the 11 facts. 

Fabulously Lost: Casually vain, hardcore interested in being Regis Philiban

Arielle: Awesome fellow blogger

Nominated Bloggers: I have only told one so far...others still in the dark

You Know How I Know You're Gay...

I want to take a moment and take you back into my life to a time when I was straight. (AHAHAHA...yup there was a time when I told people I liked ze ladies). I was quite the ladies man and I've actually probably had more girlfriends then boyfriends....(I told you I should have chosen to be straight!). I thought I had quite the racket going on and that people were convinced of my heterosexuality. Annnd then I came out. When I came out I had a slew of different reactions from positive to negative, mostly positive and mostly people telling me they knew before I did. (Side note: Never tell a gay person that you knew before they did...you didn't and its obnoxious.) Below is a compilation of some of my favorite reactions over the years.

Now I am newly in love with being gay and thinking its the best thing since sliced bread. I originally wanted to be one of those "hetero-masculine" acting gays who only had straight friends. (FYI...in case you haven't gathered..I have never been "hetero-masculine" acting...rainbows always shoot out of my mouth when I speak) So back when I came out I wanted to do it very strategically. I was 16 years old and this was obviously an all encompassing task and I planned everything out to a "t." I came out to my parents first which was a hoot...but I will get to that later. I then decided to come out to one of my best girl friends at the time, thinking that she was going to be the easiest to tell. 

First I told my friend Bee (we had weird nicknames for each other that still don't make sense to me...I was Boo...don't ask). I was so nervous and I wanted to take her aside after our World History class junior year. We wrote notes back and forth to discuss when we were going to talk. 

Me: Hey...so I have something really big to talk to you about

Bee: What is it? Tell me

Me: I think it should be said out loud. Are you free after class

Bee: No...we have another class after this. idiot

Me: Rude, Ill tell you at lunch I guess

Bee: No, tell me now. I want to know

Me: Ok....I'm gay...

 (remember thats all on a piece of paper...I just came out to a friend on a piece of paper...)

Bee: *speaking loudly now*: OMG THIS IS GREAT! WE HAVE TO GO SHOPPING!

Yup, the first thing that any friend said to me about my being gay was that we had to go shopping. Somehow a lot of people, not just Bee, think that now that I was willing to admit to my homosexuality, I was magically the best person to go shopping with. They stopped caring about dressing and undressing in front me and they always asked my opinion about clothing, because a gay mans opinion is next to God when it comes to clothing. 

I then told my other best girl friend, Girl-Next-Door (GND), since she was like a big sister to me. I had been kinda concerned about how she was going to take it since she loved her some Jesus. I want you to think for a moment where the best place it would be to tell GND. Think about it lonnnggg and hard. (that's what he said...hehe). Then erase that place because I am positive you couldn't guess where I actually told her. 

I told GND that I was gay next to the dumpsters in our h.s. Not only was it by the dumpsters, but it was after lunch so they were filled with crap. I decided to tell her next to GARBAGE. This sends a positive message about being gay I am sure. To her credit, she hugged me and said "cool." (I think I wanted streamers and confetti to pop out over us...but beggars can't be choosers...)

I told a couple of other core people in my life and then I told this one girl who I knew would tell everyone. I told her during homeroom and by fourth period I had people coming up and congratulating me. My friend New York (she later went to NYU and I visited her all the time), who had sociology with me 6th period, walked up to me with a little side-eye action going on and goaded me for information. 

NY: Someone had a big day didn't he...didn't ya kiddo! 

Me: Uhh whattt? I...uhh..hahah...uhh. No it's just thursday

NY: Come on, come on now. I hear things, I know things. It was a big ol' day for ya!

Me: Well I mean...I guess. Yeah its kinda a big day. *sheepish grin*

NY: I know, I know. Good for you. Goood forrr you. I'm proud of ya.

I swear to little baby jesus she talked to me like a big gay dog and I responded like a big gay dog. I was waiting for her to pat me on the head and give me a treat. We still have interactions like this...I  am in serious need of help...

(I would totally wear this is if I were a dog...)

There were two girls that I was friends with at the time, that I heard from other people, were waiting for  me to tell them personally. They were actually insulted I hadn't come to them directly to tell them about this big news. As I was walking towards the parking lot they stopped me like two teenage girls meeting Justin Bieber (the real one, not the black Bieber)

Excitable Girl 1: So do you have something to tell us?

Excitable Girl 2: Yeah, something important?

Me: Not really...do you have something for me?

Excitable Girl 1: No, obviously not. Didn't something big happen today?

Excitable Girl 2: Yeah, like really big?

Me: Umm, nope. I got an A on my sociology project...but it wasn't like solving the worlds issues...

Excitable Girl 1: This is ridiculous...JUST SAY IT OUT LOUD! 

Excitable Girl 2: YEAH OUT LOUD

Me: Whoa...I...I...I'm....

Excitable Girl 1: Omg just say it, we know! We knew before you did

Excitable Girl 2: Yeah way before, like freshman year

Me: Interesting. I mean if I knew what you are talking about I'd say thats preposterous. Also I dated you Excitable Girl 2. But I guess if I must say it to prove to you, I am gay

Excitable Girl 1: OMG THIS IS AMAZINGGGG I ALWAYS WANTED A GAY BEST FRIEND!!!

Excitable Girl 2:  Yeah me too! 

I never really hung out with either girl after that. I gained a lot of girl friends right after I came out because, at the time, Will & Grace was huge and everyone wanted to find their Will. I fell for it, but after a bit most people fell off the grid and I realized I was fully capable of being more then a gay best friend. 

My parents probably have had the best reaction any parents could have had. We hugged, we cried, we told each other that we loved each other. It was beautiful. They also told me they had no idea that I was gay. This. Was. A. Lie. Over the last 7.5 years since I came out they randomly come at me with different ways they knew I was gay. 

Mother: You know, the first time I thought you might be gay was when you were 4.

Me: Thats poppycock! I didn't even know I was gay then. You are a ridiculous woman. 

(That's actually how I talk to her. I am an extremely stereotypical gay man when it comes to mi madre, we are besties. ughhh so gay)

Mother: It was right around Christmas, which has always been your favorite. 

Me: I mean lots of children love Christmas. So what if I still obsess about it. Get on with your point you cray cray lady.

Mother: You wrote a letter to Santa that read a little like this. 

Dear Santa, 

I have been a really good boy this year and I wanted to thank you for all the things you gave me last year. If I could have a few of the things off my list I would like that, thank you. 

1. A teddy bear

2. GI Joes

3. Batman toys

4. Captain Planet toys 

5. other crap (there were others on the list. I didnt say crap at 4)

Love, 

Fabulously Lost

P.S. can I have FLOWERS for my room

Me: Wait...I asked for flowers for my room at 4 years old.

Mother: Yes, that was my first inkling you might be gay

Me: Touche Mother, touche...you've won this round

That is a pretty flamming thing to do, right? I mean how many of you asked for flowers for your room? What this proves to me is that even at 4 I knew what looked good it my room. I was a fabulous 4 year old. Ahhh to be young again. 

My father and my brothers often like to bring up the big give away to them that I was gay. I was in middle school, it was the late '90s and I made some major mistakes as a kid. What I am going to admit to you now is something I have tried to keep quiet for a long time. I have hushed my family from discussing it in public and I try with every fiber in my body to erase the memory of this from my head, but here it goes. 

In 1998 I got my first CD for my birthday. It was the Britney Spears critically acclaimed debut CD, Hit Me Baby One More Time. Now this, in itself, is a fairly gay thing to have as your first CD because, even then, Brit Brit was a bit of an icon for ze gays. (Did you see what I did there, I gave her a nickname like we are old friends....ahh to be friends with Britto!...I know I am seeking help) This wasn't the gayest thing I have ever done though. I became obsessed with this CD and with Brit, I listened to it all the time and made my parents play it in the car. I knew every single word on the CD and sang like I had a multi-album deal with Jive Records. (yes I know the recording company she was signed with back in the day. Shut up..)

Again, while gay, thats not the gayest thing I ever did. Somewhere around the middle of my 6th grade year I decided that I needed to take my love of Britney to the next level. I needed to display my feelings for Britney in my room for all to see (because I was having so many sleepovers back then...HA...). I began getting magazines like J-14 and Teen Bop and started cutting out pictures of Britney. Once I finally had enough photos I took thumbtacks and put them above my bed. I built a shrine to Britney for me to sleep under every  night. 

(this isnt my wall...but its eerily close to what I had)

I had this up for most of my middle school career before I got to h.s. and realized how homosexual it was and took it down. I wanted people to see my room and not think that I was gay (because I was having so many sleepovers...HA...#noguyfriends2000) There is a photo that exists somewhere of this and I hope it stays buried with all of my other broken dreams. 

Looking back on it, its almost appalling to think about how gay I was as a child. I did many things that were fairly flaming for a child. 

1. I had an imaginary friend named Penny.(Yes I did resort to imaginary friends, and I was quite popular in the imaginary world.) She was Inspector Gadget's sidekick. I was fake friends with his SIDEKICK but not him. Why? Because she was pretty and a girl

2. I was always Princess Peach when I played just about any video game (Super Mario Cart was the shizznat) with my brothers. I would pretend like she was the only logical choice for what I was trying to accomplish.

3. I enjoyed going over to my cousins house and playing with her Barbies because I didn't have any at my house. She now goes to Indiana and probably doesn't remember playing Barbies with me, but I pretended like I was just being a good older cousin...I just liked playing with their hair

4. I used to brush my babysitters hair. Other kids played with toys and video games when their babysitter was over...I brushed her hair. 

5. I HAD A MOTHER EFFIN' BRITNEY SPEARS WALL...nuff said

Needless to say, there were many things that contribute to me being the fabulous rainbow loving man I am today. I will periodically share with you some of my more embarrassing tails of being a homosexual child...for now I think I have scarred you enough. 

Fabulously Lost: Gay since birth

Singledom: Not such a secret 

Britney Spears: Still obsessed...just no shrine 

True Life: RIP Insta-Hookin'

So I have been getting into the swing of things with match.com and I have decided to completely get rid of some of the sites where people are more inclined to just be interested in hooking up. This includes getting rid of Grindr  which has had its longest run on my phone of recent, a whole 4months without being deleted. (I have gotten ride of this site 8x over the last year as a "cleanser"...it will probs be back, don't lose hope in more awkward tales). But I wanted to take an "RIP" moment with all of you to discuss some of my more colorful conversations that happened on these sites, all of these never fully forming into tragic dates due to the tragic nature of the conversations.

At different times over the last few months I have talked to everyone under the sun on these mobile trollop conventions. I have tried to talk to people who are older (by more than I am willing to admit), younger, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, you name it I have accepted their conversations...even though I shouldn't have in most cases. Over the last few months there was one that went on for awhile longer than it should have and also scarred me for life. Back in November I decided that I enjoyed the idea of being a "sugar baby". I had just watched True Life: I'm a Sugar Baby and had made the decision that this could be the life for me.

 (put "True Life" in front of anything and I am guaranteed to think I can be that or I am that....its like being a hypochondriac but for reality television. I convinced myself I had tourette's once just to fit in with the show. Annnnd I wonder why I'm single. ) 

Anywhoz, I was on the prowl for an older guy who hinted at money and a promise of taking me out on a special and fabulous date. By prowl, I mean I just needed to turn on Grindr and wait about 20min for an older man to message me with something wildly inappropriate or a compliment. A majority of these compliments would end up feeling creepy because  the complements were always like "Well don't you look handsome there fellow"  or "What brings a strapping young fellow like yourself on this site." These seem like harmless things but they also remind me that I am talking to someone who could possibly be old enough to be my father.

 Well this fateful day Penthouse decided he was going to message me and see how I was doing. We chatted for a bit, fairly casually before he began to get a bit more aggressive. He started asking me about my favorite hot spots in Baltimore and then we began talking about New York (which quite literally may be the key to my heart. That and cheese. A convo about NY and Cheese or NY Cheese [idk what that is but it sounds good] and you may as well just get a hotel room cause I am ready to make babies) 

Penthouse: I see that you were born in NY...do you like it up there?

Me: OMGZZZZZZ I lurv it up there. I want to move there soon and live and play and dance and work and just beeeee. Its my passion. The state of NY is my passion. 

Penthouse: Aww that's cute. I have an apartment up there because 2 of my kids live in the city. 

Me: Wow...where is your apt?

Penthouse: It's on the Upper East Side....its actually a penthouse, I bought it a few years ago and it was one of my best investments. 

Me: Ha..ha..uhh...whoa. Uhh yeah I usually sleep on people's couches so I don't have to spring for a hotel

Penthouse: Well, if our date goes well...you can always use my penthouse. 

(SIDE NOTE: Gotta Go My Own Way from High School Musical 2 just came on my iPod. I got rullll excited about it and I also know all the words. Its these moments I know there is no question about my sexuality or the fact I am single for a reason)

Ok...so yeah...he offered his PENTHOUSE to me within our first 2 hours of talking. He didn't even ask for durrty pictures or ask about sleeping together. This is EXACTLY how I pictured my Sugar Baby lifestyle. True Life has yet to fail in teaching me about how to become or avoid becoming many different things (I will never be a heroin addict nor will I ever have a porn addiction, BUT I do know how to come out to my parents if they happen to be from the Pacific Islands.) I was obviously intrigued by his offer and also surprised because we hadn't actually made plans for a date yet...but he was quite presumptuous. 

Me: Wow...nice. Errrr what date are we going on?

Penthouse: Oh, well I guess I never officially asked you out, but I would love to take you on a special date around the city. 

Me: The whole city? That seems like a very exhausting evening

Penthouse: Well I would have a car pick you up of course, I am a gentleman. 

Me: Oh of course, that makes sense. That would be swell. Where do you live. 

Penthouse: I own an apartment on the top floor of Eden, in Harbor East. 

Me: Isn't that a roundabout way of saying you have a penthouse apartment in Harbor East

Penthouse: Yes. 

All I kept seeing $$$$. HOW DID I LAND THE JACKPOT IN SUGAR DADDIES!

Me: Cool cool. You mentioned kids...were you married before?

Penthouse: Ahh this convo already. Yes I was...for 25 years.

Uhhhhhhhhhh Whaaaaaaaat?????? Now I am not a math expert or anything...BUT....being 23 and him being married for 25 years means that he had an entire marriage longer than I have been alive. At this point I started trying to psych myself back into the conversation. There was a bit of a pause...a few moments where I didn't know how to respond calmly. 

Me: Ah yes, well most marriages don't last that long. Congrats...on long marriages?

Penthouse: Well it ended for obvious reasons...lol. Does me being older bother you?

Me: Pffft whaaaat? Haha noooo...does me being young bother you?

Penthouse: No...it's one of my favorite things about you other than your smile

Me: Compliments get you everywhere. 

Penthouse: Everywhere? Good to know. 

Me: Hehe...sooo how many kids do you have?

Penthouse: Three. 26, 24, 21. 

Me: whoa...uhhh err....how old exactly are you?
Penthouse: Do you really want to know?
Me: Nah I just ask for shits and giggles. OF course I want to know.
Penthouse: I'm 57. 


HOLY CRAPBAG BATMAN! I don't know what I was thinking but for some reason I had placed this man in his mid to late 40s. It wasn't until he said his children's ages that made me think twice about his age. I told him that it was a bit of a reach for me and I said "Good day Sir". I really wanted to be a Sugar Baby...but the idea of going on dates with someone who was actually older than my parents...made me second guess this choice. I really like nice things...but apparently love does know an age limit in my mind.


Over the last year their have been some interesting pick up lines as well as some interesting reactions to things I have said. Below is a compilation of both!


JohnsHop: Hey there cutie, how are you?
Me: Great...hows it going?
JohnsHop: Better now that I'm talking to you ;)
Me: Haha..nice...so do you go to John's Hopkins?
JohnsHop: Cute and quick on the uptake. Yes. 
Me: Cool...what are you studying
JohnsHop: I'm studying penis' and I think you need yourself a penis doctor...
Me: Welp....I think I'm good. Mine is doing just fine. guess you'll have to find someone else.


I have to give it to him...he made me chuckle. Though I will walk out the door of whatever clinic he is a doctor at.


Lonely?: Hey are you busy?
Me: Hey...do I know you?
Lonely?: No...why would you ask that?
Me: Well asking me if I am busy seems to imply that we have talked before and you know that I am generally a busy guy.
Lonely?: Errr no...I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over and enjoy a nice bottle of Andre. 
Me: As....nice?...as that offer sounds I think I am going to have to pass. I am in fact busy
Lonely?: Oh...well if you ever wanna 69 let me know.


Ummmmm what? If I ever want to 69? HOW is that a follow up to "lets enjoy a nice bottle of Andre" (a classy drank I might add.)


D4Y: Hey there fellow
Me: Hey...what does D4Y mean?
D4Y: Daddy looking for younger. You need a Daddy tonight?
Me: No...I'm good. I'm morally opposed to calling men who are not my father "daddy". Its actually kinda weird if I call him "daddy".
D4Y: Well I can be whatever you want....
Me: I think I want you to be blocked. Good Day Sir.


This is a convo I have quite often with people on the site. I usually like to point out to these people that I could be their son. I also point out that I don't feel that anyone should be called "Daddy" outside of your own father. I actually really disapprove of Usher's song "Hey Daddy" because of this (Which is a huge surprise since I would literally do anything to...er..for Usher?)

Dance4lyfe: Hey there
Me: Heyyy...I'm sorry I'm not really into younger men. You look very nice though
Dance4lyfe: That's okay. I just wanted to see if you wanted to recreate the Risky Business dance with me tonight
Me: Oh...er welp...have a good night
Dance4lyfe: Sooooo thats a definite no? Orrr should I prepare my tighty whities?
Me: I'm good. have fun.


I wasn't even offended by that one....I was intrigued. I also didn't think it would work out so well....since he resembled Tom Cruise in a very odd way, and I am not into short white men. Sorry I'm not Sorry


With that, I bid adieu to the insta-hookin' sites for a while. Worry not, I will give them a proper viking funeral...they were always flaming anyways.


Internet Dating: Transitioning
Fabulously Lost: Mourning the loss of a sometimes good friend
Grindr: RIP...2011-2012
High School Musical: ALWAYS an upper